


When the Fallen Angel Weeps

by Melethril



Series: Reverence For Life [8]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV), Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Agent Katherine Cole case, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Case Fic, Derek Morgan's childhood, Lucifer and his family, Nothing explicit, Other, Seriously: Angst-fest, That is a warning all of its own, They are Lucifer's Babies, Warning: Criminal Minds-level case, children are involved, dark themes, here be dragons, the angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:27:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27065614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melethril/pseuds/Melethril
Summary: People would say that fallen angels never cry. All their tears dried up when they fell into a pool of burning sulphur.However, there is only one Fallen Angel here. He has not stopped weeping since the end of the Third Reign.
Relationships: Candy Morningstar/Lucifer Morningstar, Frank Lawrence & Lucifer Morningstar, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) & The BAU Team, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV)/Other(s)
Series: Reverence For Life [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1482401
Comments: 227
Kudos: 219





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: Very dark themes ahead. While I will never be explicit with any of the case details and I will present nothing worse than CM itself, the show deals with some very dark topics. If the mere mention of teen suicide, child abuse and/or sexual abuse of teenagers, and exploitation of teenagers and children disturbs you, you might want to consider skipping this story. The case will be dealt with throughout the story.
> 
> NOTE: Episodes s02e02 ("P911") + s02e12 ("Profiler Profiled") were used as the backbone structure for this present case because I didn’t have the stomach to delve too much into this nightmare-inducing topic. 
> 
> Love you all. I promise a happy ending, but be prepared for angst.

_Previously on Reverence for Life:_

_“I played a bit of poker and thus acquired a casino when the stakes were raised, became co-owner of a club called Fletcher’s, got married. The things you do when you’re in the ‘entertainment capital of the world.’”_

_“You what?”_

_“Candy Fletcher-Morningstar.”_

_“Dad’s back.”_

_“Tell me. Are we free agents now?”_

_‘Freedom of Will has been yours since you Fell.’_

_“Children, Heaven calls for you. Raguel and Azrael, my dear daughters, come back as soon as your duties allow it.”_

_“Amenadiel, First of the Angels, Ruler of Time, you have used humans to do your bidding, stood by as Uriel, your nestling, plotted to kill several innocents, and conspired against me without the decree of our Lord Father. I won’t punish you; I won’t give you my time of day for it is precious for all but the one who can wield it at will. You’ve shunned me for an eternity; it’s my turn now. I won’t insult you. I won’t talk to you. I have nothing to say to you. Perhaps, when you learn where exactly you were led astray, we may talk again, but right now I want you to leave my home.”_

_“Earth is my home, more than Heaven or Hell ever were. I appreciate all you’ve done for me, but I was cast out of Heaven into a role I never wished to take. I never wanted to rule anything. Dromos and the others were the only thing that made it worth staying. I can’t go back, and now that I know that Dad won’t make me, I won’t go back.”_

_“He could get Lily! Tell him to get her out. Once she’s out, you can-”_

_“She was the last straw, Dromos, but not the whole reason for me being fed up with ruling Hell. Justice is my domain, but some of the rules he put in place aren’t just.”_

_“Then have him change the rules!”_

_“He can’t.”_

* * *

The chances of an asteroid hitting Earth and wiping most or all existing life from it were astronomical. Yet, Father had said that it was time, so time it was.

He was God’s Poison and the Lightbringer. The one who brought the light had to take it away. His body trembled when he changed the asteroid’s path and called it to him. He just hoped they had all listened to him. He had told them this day would come. They were ready.

He was not.

He watched the asteroid crashing into the atmosphere as a harbinger of doom turning into a ball of fire.

“Lucifer?”

Shocked, he turned around.

“Dr. Reid, what are you doing here?” asked Lucifer, horrified. “You aren’t supposed to be here.”

Dr. Reid did not hear him. His face held an expression of sheer fascination. “In a few seconds, my eyes will be blinded, my skin will burn and my blood boil. Will I feel it or will I be dead at the moment of impact? How does your body react to this kind of-“

“Young one, you have to leave!”

This was all wrong. Humans were supposed to inherit the Earth from the ashes of dragons.

“Not sure if there’s anywhere to go, man,” said Agent Morgan from behind him. “I mean, where to run to?”

They were all here; why were they all here?

_“Maker, what is this?”_

Leviathan did not speak. Dragons were not capable of speech. It was a mixture of trills, growls and a projection of complex imagery, but for some reason, Dr. Reid understood Leviathan with ease.

“We are all going to die because Lucifer called an asteroid to end our reign.”

“No, no, no,” said Lucifer desperately. The meteor hit with an Earth-shattering explosion, in the most literal sense of the word. “This isn’t what… Leviathan, you have to leave, now!”

Their skin burned, but they did not seem to care. Disappointed, Agent Hotchner stared at him, “Why are you killing us?”

His arms were around young Jack, holding his son close in their last moments, and Lucifer had no idea what to say in his defense.

“It’s not his fault,” said Candy. She glowed in the light of the asteroid and her eyes could not quite focus on them because the glistening light of the asteroid had blinded her. “He acts as his father commands. Obedience is part of an angel’s soul.”

“Do they have souls?” asked Agent Prentiss standing next to her. “Lucifer couldn’t give his dragons a soul, perhaps because he’s lacking one himself.”

“No, that isn’t… Please, you have to leave,” begged Lucifer. He was so confused. Why were they still standing? The tidal wave had hit, and it felt like a breeze to him, but he knew his humans could not take it. Leviathan was gone, a motionless corpse on the ground, and Lucifer was devasted he had not been there for him when he died.

So much death, all around him. Azrael was crying. Her domain was calling for the first time and she looked so confused and sad. That did not makes any sense either. When the humans came, she had already been Death for millions of years.

“Lucifer?”

Ryan was there, too, and Lucifer’s heart skipped a beat. The man seemed unblemished by the disaster around him.

“Ryan! Go, before-“

_“Lucifer, wake up. It’s a dream.”_

* * *

With a gasp and a jerk of his body, Lucifer roused from his nightmare. Ryan was standing a few feet away from the bed, dressed in only shorts looking absolutely delicious and Lucifer really would not mind a taste, but the worried look on the human’s face was too sobering.

“Sorry, first rule of PTSD is not to wake up a sleeping veteran when they’re having a nightmare and definitely not shaking them awake, but I figured the first part might not apply to angels,” said he softly. “Is it okay for me to approach?”

Before Ryan finished his sentence, Lucifer pulled him closer, snuck his arms around the painfully attractive man and just breathed. Thankfully, he did not have to explain, and the retired Army captain’s arms mirrored Lucifer’s movements.

“Hey, what did you just dream about?” His hands were starting to rub Lucifer’s upper back and it effectively calmed the devil down bit by bit.

“The end of Dragon Reign.”

Lucifer let go of the man and sat down on the edge of the bed tiredly looking up at Ryan. He continued, “But it was all wrong. Humans died, not m…“

He could neither confess which humans died nor did he wish to mention the dragons he had failed to save.

Ryan looked at him; he was alert and fully awake, but Lucifer knew him well enough to know that he was tired. Yet, he did not seem in any hurry to get back to sleep. Instead, he was waiting patiently for Lucifer’s explanation but also seemed perfectly willing to accept if he decided to remain silent.

“I was there when the asteroid hit. Hell, I called it to me,” said Lucifer quietly, “because Dad said so.”

“Oh G-Damn,” exclaimed Ryan, sitting down next to him. “I’m sorry.”

“The thing is… If Dad told me to do it now, I’d refuse, but two hundred years from now?” They would all be gone by then, and Lucifer already knew that, once he buried his current humans, he would not be able to stomach Earth for centuries. Leonardo’s death had shown him that, and he was not naïve enough to believe that his feelings for his current humans were in any way inferior to what he felt for him. “I would if given a good reason for it.”

For a moment, Lucifer thought Ryan would get up and leave, but instead, he put an arm around Lucifer’s lower back and put his chin on his shoulder, “And I trust your judgment. If you think the reason for ending a reign is valid, it will be. Duty sucks.”

Ryan had never sounded more like a battle-weary soldier than in this moment reminding Lucifer that his human companion had probably been forced to follow orders when he rather would have done something else.

“I didn’t challenge him, though,” confessed Lucifer quietly. This still weighed heavily on his mind, even today. “He told me the reign had to end and I followed through. I made them,” he whispered, “and I ended their reign just because he said so.”

“You questioned him later,” reminded him Ryan, kissing the top of his right shoulder with a feather-light touch that made Lucifer shudder, not with lust, but with the intense desire to hold onto that fragile human and never ever let go. “He was not only your commanding officer; he was also your lord and master, and as if that weren’t enough, your father. I had trouble standing up to my dad, and he stopped having any authority over my person once I stepped out of that house and into the army at eighteen.”

Lucifer tried to imagine a young, baby-soldier Ryan, but he failed; the thought made him smile, though. “I am sorry for waking you up.”

“Please,” scoffed Ryan. “Always figured I’d be the one with the nightmares. I happily accept this as part of the package deal, and I’m really fond of the package.”

His expression was playfully suggestive and Lucifer happily accepted the nonverbal offer by kissing him, “Oh yes?”

“Uh-huh,” muttered Ryan, responding enthusiastically.

He would so love to just continue with this, but both Dr. Bill and Dr. Linda said he should not be using sex as a distraction, so he picked up on something his lover had just said, “You and nightmares?”

“I’m a veteran who was on active duty for twenty-five years; I’ve worked in war zones. You bet your ass I get nightmares,” said Ryan. He pulled Lucifer back on the bed, but unfortunately not for sexy times, and instead pulled him to his chest for another cuddling session, in which the devil happily partook.

“Have I slept through them?” asked Lucifer, a bit worried. “You sleep like a rock; I’ve never noticed any nightmares on your side.”

“That’s because, you, my handsome devil, are a veritable cure for nightmares. It’s hard to suffer from nightmares when the Lightbringer brightens your whole world.”

That deserved another kiss, but then Lucifer remembered last evening’s conversation, “You should go back to sleep. You have a board of directors meeting to organize, a financial plan to develop and a potential building to hunt down. Just remember-“

“I can name-drop you if I run into trouble in terms of real estate,” smiled Ryan. “You sure you don’t want to be on the board of directors for the youth center? Derek and Frank would love to have you on. Reverend Butler likes you…”

“Me and these horrifying, hormonal cretins? No, thank you very much.”

“You like Michelle!” laughed Ryan throwing a pillow at Lucifer, which he caught without thinking.

“She’s an exception, and annoyingly responsible and mature, and dangerously sweet and kind, and I already plan on torturing the soul of the very first partner that breaks her heart.”

“Partner?”

“I do not discriminate between genders for punishment,” scoffed Lucifer.

“You really think she’s gay,” stated Ryan thoughtfully.

“I think she has a crush on her _just-a-friend_ , and I just want to make sure she knows that this is perfectly fine,” said Lucifer.

“Her BFF Carol?” frowned Ryan thoughtfully. “It is possible. She’ll figure it out, I’m sure, and she’ll be fine. Frank’s about the kind of father I used to dream about when I was younger.”

“You and me both,” sighed Lucifer. “Now that any sex drive was effectively destroyed by talking about Dad, your father, young Michelle and Frank. Let’s go to sleep.”

Giggling, Ryan wrapped his arms around Lucifer and closed his eyes. Soon after, his even breaths lulled the devil back to sleep.

* * *

“You shouldn’t have done that,” said Azrael sharply to the teenager. “You stupid, stupid child.”

“You don’t get it,” whispered the frightened soul.

“No, _you_ don’t get it. You are now tagged for Hell, and I don’t want to bring you there and my brother doesn’t want you there either.”

“I’m sorry,” said the teenage boy, crying out of fear and distress.

“ _Sorry_ doesn’t cut it,” said Azrael, biting her lips in frustration. “ _Sorry_ doesn’t reverse the damage you’ve done to yourself. You-“

She would not strangle souls. Strangling souls would disappoint Dad and worse, Lucifer. She took a deep breath and they were both in front of Hell’s Gates.

She did not have to bang on the door since they opened immediately upon her arrivial.

“Suicide.” That was all she said. The current Gatekeeper, Ba’al Berith, looked at her, with a neutral expression. She had not received a single smile from any of Lucifer’s demons since Hohenwald; never let it be said that demons did not hold a grudge.

Ba’al Berith accepted the soul, closed the gates leaving Azrael where she was.

_“Azrael.”_

“Leave me alone,” she hissed at Amenadiel, tears filling her eyes. “I have nothing to say to you.”

“Please, sister-“

“No!” she said sharply. “I messed up. I shouldn’t have gone behind his back and now I’m paying for it, but you _lied_ to me. I may not be Judgment, but I am Death, and Death does not forgive liars.”

He opened his mouth to argue, but Azrael had duties to perform and she left him behind without looking back.

“Azrael, wait-“

* * *

Amenadiel sighed. She was already gone. She had not talked to him since Father’s return.

Amused laughter brought him out of his reveries. He looked up only to see the last being he wanted to see.

“Not today, Loki.”

Loki said something in Norse, and Amenadiel barked, “I never learned your language, trickster.” He had refused. He had always forced the lesser gods to use the language of angels, or some human language, when talking to him.

_“Amenadiel, Celestial’s First Son  
Second to chaos, Heaven and the sun._

_What brings you to the Gates of Hell?  
Have you seen that it is you who Fell?_

_Its Lord absent, loved and sorely missed,  
Hell does not await you; you are dismissed.”_

“I don’t have time for this,” said Amenadiel impatiently.

“Isn’t that all that you are? Time?” Loki added as an afterthought, smirking as if Amenadiel was too stupid to understand the query without further prompting.

“I want to see,” he said, annoyed and on the verge of turning and leaving. Yet, if he wanted to have a chance at Lucifer’s forgiveness, he would have to learn to get along with his friends, even unworthy snakes like one of the most dangerous tricksters the universe had ever seen.

“You’ve brought him here, so any times, and now you are suddenly curious about the place to where you wished to banish your brother for all of eternity?” said Loki, openly mocking him now. “This just makes me glad that Odin was not my actual birth brother. Blood was what made _God_ punish Lucifer, and blood is what made you shun him. Really, you are not setting a good example for humans as far as family bonds are concerned.”

“Please,” begged Amenadiel, as galling as it was to beg this unworthy creature for anything. “I need to see.”

Loki disappeared.

Just when he was about to leave, hoping for a better day, the Gates to Hell opened ominously.

* * *

Paul Ramsey from her 9th grade math class had been very quiet in recent weeks; Rebecca had noticed. He came from a troubled family, was disruptive rather than truly active in class, so at first, she had been grateful for the sudden quiet, but now she was starting to worry.

Today, he had entered the classroom so pale, she had actually asked him whether he was not feeling well, but he had dismissed her concerns with a rude, “Cut it out, Mrs. Thomson, I’m fine!”

She decided to let it go because the boy was obviously going through something, but then the giggles and whispers at the back of the classroom started to disrupt her lesson, and she was getting annoyed.

“Paul, I-“

But then she noticed that Paul was not involved in the disturbance. He was sitting as far away as possible from the other students, curled into himself and the whispers came from Simon, Marcus and Sebastian, three quite obedient if a bit lazy students, who appeared to be sharing something on their phones; it had to concern Paul because they were hissing something at Paul, but so lowly, she could not hear the actual one-sided conversation.

Angrily, she approached the three boys and then heard a snippet of the insults hurled at Paul, “-slut like your mother.”

“Give me that phone!” said Rebecca sharply. “The three of you will be having a meeting with the principal about respecting your fellow students.”

Cowed, they gave her the phone and she took a peek at the content they had been sharing among each other. It nearly took her ten seconds to process what she was actually seeing. When she realized what it was, the phone slipped from her fingers and fell on the ground.

“Oh, my God!”


	2. Im Finsteren Tal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Crimes Against Children Unit present their case to the BAU. Jennifer is haunted by her own past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so sorry. I has been too long. I spent this week writing a lot for work and all of my creativity was channeled into that, so I read rather than wrote whenever I wasn't working...
> 
> **WARNING: As I said, this story is dark but not explicit. In this chapter, teenage suicide and exploitation of said teenagers is mentioned, as well as Jennifer's own thoughts and memories (she lost her own sister Roz to suicide). Please, be mindful of that.**
> 
> A/N Chapter Title:  
> I write my stories in English, I love English, I think it is an amazing tool for storytelling bringing people together from all over the world, but sometimes, you prefer your mother tongue:
> 
> Title is part of Psalm 23:4 “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
> 
> The German version is: “ Und ob ich schon wanderte im finsteren Tal, ich fürchte kein Unheil; denn du bist bei mir, dein Stock und dein Stab, sie trösten mich.”
> 
> Personal preference, but the whole sentence flows absolutely beautifully in German. “Finster” means “dark, sinister” and “Unheil” is not just evil and it is more than bad luck (Unglück). Like the word “Ungeheuer” is not just “monster”… There is poetry to these words that perfectly encompass the threat/doom that these words can bring in their wake. Thought it would fit for this story. I might use German titles throughout this story, just for the heck of it… Thanks in advance for indulging me.
> 
> A/N Quote: I know Tolkien's dragons are not at all like Lucifer's dragons, but the quote taken out of context is a bit ambiguous, and carries some sadness.

**“So comes snow after fire, and even dragons have their endings.”** **JRR Tolkien, The Hobbit – There and Back Again**

* * *

Jennifer excused herself from the room to pick up some more additional files. When she returned, she was just on time to catch up with Morgan and Lucifer who were walking toward the meeting room together, probably having arrived at the same time.

“Oh no,” exhaled Morgan when he looked inside.

“What?” asked Lucifer, fully alert and worried.

“That’s Agent Katie Cole,” he replied while acknowledging Jennifer’s presence with a nod.

“Agent Morgan,” purred Lucifer. “What is the issue you have with her? That is very unlike you.”

“Don’t get me wrong, she’s amazing, but… It’s her field. She’s the head of FBI’s Crimes Against Children Unit. Her cases are…” Morgan sighed and Jennifer winced. “Never easy.”

“I see,” said Lucifer calmly. “Agent Jareau, good morning! She’s very attractive, though.” His tone was light as it usually was when trying to lighten the mood.

“If you say so,” chuckled Morgan, taken aback by the devil’s attempt at humoring him. “She used to be a part of the BAU.”

“I know,” said Lucifer with that tone he sometimes reserved to remind them that he knew the BAU’s entire history front to back because he had spent a few hours in the BAU’s archive. “Have you worked with her outside of that case with Dustin Powers and his tormentor, Michael Earlson? The archives didn’t say.”

“No, that was the only time,” said Morgan. “Any plans for Earlson?”

Occasionally, they asked him what he had planned for the UnSubs that survived the arrest, and Lucifer clapped his hands together with a rather eager smile on his lips, “He’s definitely going to be personally attended to by Dromos. He’s already planning on auctioning him off to the highest bidder in Hell. It’s very likely that Loki will win.”

A shudder went through Jennifer. They had heard a lot about Loki, including how much he cared for children and how creative he was, especially he wished to torment someone. No matter how much he deserved it, Michael Earlson’s fate was not to be envied. But then, he had kidnapped a toddler and then, when he got too old, auctioned him off to the highest bidder. Really, JJ did not feal too much sympathy.

“Good morning,” said Lucifer cheerfully, acknowledging all present team members before he smiled at Katie and Agent Gilroy who had accompanied her. “Hello.”

Katie nodded at Lucifer in that curt manner of hers before smiling just a bit at Morgan. Jennifer had noticed how much warmer her greetings were with the BAU members she already knew, including Rossi, while she was cordial but businesslike with Emily and Lucifer. Agent Gilroy on the other hand was clearly struck with Lucifer’s presence, but she remained professional.

Hotch took over the introductions, “Agents Amanda Gilroy, Katie Cole, you’ll remember Agent Morgan. Please meet our civilian consultant, Lucifer Morningstar. He’s our religious expert and an expert for the occult, history and criminal history as well as… various other fields. You’ll see. Lucifer, these are Agents Amanda Gilroy and Katie Cole, deputy and head of the Crimes Against Children Unit, respectively.”

“My pleasure,” smiled Lucifer.

“Good to meet you. Agent Morgan, good to see you again.”

“Katie, I thought you transferred,” said Morgan.

“I did,” said Katie, her smile tired but less drained than last time they had worked with her. “I took a year off, worked in the human trafficking unit, then did some white-collar crime, but… still ended up back here. This is my calling.”

The devil’s hum could be mistaken as dismissive, but Jennifer knew Lucifer. He did not scorn her for doing a job she did not particularly enjoy; he respected her for her sense of duty. The scoff was of understanding and shared misery.

“Never let it be said that the quest for justice is easy,” said he.

Katie looked into Lucifer’s eyes, and whatever she saw in his serene expression, it seemed to give her strength.

“Katie, would you do us the honor?” asked Hotch, gesturing JJ to sit down.

“Thank you, Agent Hotchner,” began Katie, rose from her seat and looked at the team. “Our current case concerns DC.”

Everyone sat up at that, even more alert than before.

“Rebecca Thomson, 9th grade math teacher at Thornton High School noticed that one of her students, Paul Ramsey, 14, started to retreat into himself. Two days ago, she observed how three students in her class had started harassing and name-calling him while sharing something on their smartphones. She confiscated them and realized that they were pornographic images of Paul Ramsey.”

“Damn,” muttered Emily, horrified.

“The boys, Simon Michaels, Marcus Anderson and Sebastian Miller, have been suspended from school and there is an ongoing investigation about whether they will be criminally prosecuted as well as expelled from school,” continued Katie grimly. “However, as far as we can tell, only Simon received the photos from an unknown number and he did not distribute them; he did show them to his friends instead of immediately going to a teacher, however, and they used the images to bully Paul Ramsey, but for now, it looks like they’ll get away with warning. They don’t know anything about who sent this to them and the parents are not very forthcoming.”

“And Paul?”

“Completely clammed up and currently in the hospital after a suicide attempt.”

Jennifer had been prepared for that statement, but the team stiffened, their attention immediately on Lucifer, whose dark eyes had narrowed dangerously.

Normally, Morgan would be the one to say that an isolated case did not warrant a BAU investigation, especially since the child was still alive, but Jennifer knew exactly why he did not. David was the one to bring up that issue in his stead.

“This isn’t an isolated case. Local investigation into a teen suicide in a nearby school led to the emergence of very similarly staged photos,” said Katie. “The victim’s name is Robert Garland,” she selected the next slide showing an image of an African American teen boy, 13 years old.

“He’s crossing race lines,” said Emily quietly. Morgan was so tense Jennifer could see the muscles in his jaw twitch. She had briefly talked to Hotch about exposing Morgan to a case like that, but the unit chief had full faith in Morgan’s ability persevere. In fact, he relied on him to notice things they would otherwise miss. The problem was, only her and Hotch knew (and Lucifer, she assumed, because keeping a secret from the devil was very close to being impossible), and Jennifer hoped that Morgan’s secret would remain a secret, even when dealing with a case this close to home, both literally and figuratively.

“We think it’s more than one UnSub,” continued Katie. “The number from which the photos were sent is untraceable, but we think there are at least two, if not more, UnSubs involved in this, and that the children are being coerced into compliant victimization.”

“Compliant victimization?” repeated Lucifer, unused to the term.

“Compliant victimization usually occurs when there is an extremely uneven power dynamic, and often happens when children are victims of sexual abuse,” explained Hotch.

“ _’They could have said ‘no,’_ ” growled Lucifer, his voice an octave deeper than usual. “I know the type.”

“Basically,” continued Morgan, having stiffened further, though Jennifer was not sure why. “we’re looking for teachers, priests, coaches…”

“We cannot exclude the possibility of a pedophile ring that obtain their victims from within their own families,” said Katie, “but Agent Morgan is correct. This looks like a ring of preferential offenders, consisting of at least two but most likely multiple offenders. They’re tech savvy, and we’re hoping that Garcia will help us crack this sooner rather than later. At the moment, our pool of suspects is big and consists of anyone who works a lot with children including child services. However, we have to be careful. While compliance and participation of females cannot be excluded, it is very likely that our UnSubs are men in these professions. Please remember, most of these men are innocent, and while they are statistically more likely to be involved, they are also faced with a lot of scrutiny, and with a case like this, which I know will soon hit the news if not today then tomorrow, they will have to deal with increased suspicion and hostility.”

“Understood,” said Hotch. “Is there anything else we need to consider?”

“No,” said Katie. “Robert Garland’s parents have been informed and they would like to talk to us as soon as possible. Natasha Ramsey, Paul’s mother, is very upset as well, but she’s reluctant about letting us talk to her son. I haven’t had much luck with the parents whose sons mocked Paul and I thought that, since you like to work your way back, Amanda and I could talk to the Garlands while your team talks to Natasha Ramsey and the parents of the other boys. I would like to be present when you interview the children, though.”

“Good,” accepted Hotch. “Why don’t you take JJ with you? I am sure the Garlands will be glad to see that we have no intention of letting this go. Rossi, you and I will talk to Mrs. Ramsey, Lucifer and Morgan, you talk to the teacher and then Simon’s parents. Emily and Reid, you talk to the Andersons and the Millers. Child interviews will be conducted at Quantico.”

Jennifer usually did not question Hotch’s wisdom, but she wondered whether it was a good idea to pair up Lucifer and Morgan who both were bound to be upset by the nature of this case. Before she left with Katie and Amanda, she went by his office to voice her concerns.

However, like so many times before, he already knew what she wanted to say.

“I’m not worried about Morgan,” said Hotch as soon as she finished knocking. “Not that this isn’t a difficult case for him, but he knows how to deal with his trauma. Lucifer? Not so much. He’s deeply unsettled and I don’t think it’s this case in particular that has him rattled.”

Dumbfounded, Jennifer stared at her boss, “You-he’s definitely already planning the punishment of whoever took those pictures and victimized the teenagers, but… he was joking around with Derek earlier and was flirting with Katie and Amanda.”

“He said ‘hello.’ That wasn’t flirting, not even close; he barely acknowledged them. Ever since the confrontation with his siblings, his peace on Earth was shaken quite profoundly. He hasn’t dealt with the return of his father, or his sudden acceptance of him. We are dealing with eons of trauma and neglect suddenly challenged by the very perpetrator of Lucifer’s pain. Honestly, I am not quite sure why he didn’t crack instantly.”

Jennifer shuddered, “Let’s be honest there, Hotch. We haven’t dealt with the return of G- _Him_ , either.”

“No,” he acknowledged, “we haven’t. Let’s take care of this case first, then we address the issue.”

“Okay.”

“Oh, and please make sure to keep Morgan’s past a secret. You spent a lot of time observing him today, and I’m not the only one who noticed,” Hotch chided her gently, and she was reminded that she worked with some of the best behavioral analysists in the world. If she as much as glanced the wrong way for too long, they would know. “It’s Morgan’s right to keep things to himself.”

“Will do,” she promised.

She then joined Katie and Amanda to meet with the parents of Robert Garland.

“So,” said Katie as soon as they were in the car, “the team has changed quite a bit. If anyone could replace Gideon, though, it’s Dave. At least as far as profiling goes,” she added. “David was never much of a team player. Honestly, I’m kind of surprised to see him on the outside of BAU leadership; he always preferred working alone, or partnered up with Gideon. He hardly ever worked with Hotch or me. Don’t get me wrong, Hotch is a great unit chief, but I would have expected David to take over the banner. Instead, if I had to hazard a guess, I would say Hotch is the uncontested leader of the team and Agent Morgan is his second. That wasn’t the case three years ago.”

Jennifer could only confirm her impressions, “Rossi never gave the impression that he wanted to take over the lead.” He simply had some scores to settle, but after he did that, he neither made a move to leave or to change team dynamics. Instead, he had become a steady presence within the team.

An old fox, Lucifer would say.

“Lucifer Morningstar,” said Amanda thoughtfully, her hands on the wheel. “Is that his real name?”

“Yep,” said Jennifer. “It is.”

“Rumor mill has it that he grew up in a cult,” stated Katie, clearly fishing for more information. “And that his family caught up with him not too long ago.”

Jennifer chuckled, “For all that we’re supposed to keep things under the rug more often than not, the FBI consists of the biggest bunch of gossips in every government agency. We could learn a thing or two from the CIA.”

“Oh please,” laughed Katie, “if they were that good at keeping things quiet, the world would be none the wiser about their operations.”

“The IRS then,” suggested Amanda, causing the two other women to laugh.

Their laughter died quickly, however.

“How’s life been?” asked Jennifer.

“You first,” said Katie.

“Good. I have little boy now, Henry. He’s 17 months old now.”

“Congratulations,” smiled Katie, which Amanda echoed, looking genuinely delighted. “How do you manage it?”

“Henry’s father is a stay-at-home dad.”

“Good. Not married then?”

They had talked about it. Jennifer was the one being hesitant about it. Will had asked her, and she knew he would wait until she said ‘yes.’ This job was a marriage murder machine, and she still was not sure if she could ever marry Will. Rossi had been married three times, Hotch – the most loyal man she knew – had devoted all of his energy to his marriage, fatherhood and his job, and still had to go through a divorce. Interestingly enough, the only thing that made her seriously consider marriage were Lucifer and Candy. But then, their marriage was so fresh and their relationship was not exactly exclusive or conventional. She knew that Candy was perfectly fine with Lucifer having lovers on the side, and she knew Candy approved of Lucifer’s relationship with Ryan. However, Jennifer was not Candy and Will, thankfully, was not Lucifer; if Candy could make it work with Lucifer, she should be able to make it work with Will.

Hopefully.

Hotch getting a divorce really had not enforced her wish to get married.

“Work in progress. You?”

“Oh no, single all the way,” said Katie. “No children. I don’t think I could.”

The way she said reminded Jennifer of Lucifer. There was grief in her voice, an ancient pain, and she wondered whether there was more to her not wanting children than the refusal to bring kids into a world that held people like the ones Katie hunted down. Amanda then said she had a boyfriend but that their career did not really allow children at the moment. Amanda had also changed in these three years since Jennifer had last seen her: she had grown into her position, and was much more her own person than when JJ had met her, but with that maturity came a fatigue, like that of a seasoned warrior; she knew that all too well, and she knew that every member of the BAU had reached that level as well, and she wished they did not have to.

Their drive took an hour, but they spent most of it talking about present and past cases after that. The Garland family was waiting for them by the time they arrived. Introductions were made quickly. Rebecca and Joseph Garland were devasted over the death of their son. What got to Jennifer the most, however, was Robert’s little brother, Michael, a nine-year-old, whose entire world had been shattered with his brother’s suicide. It hit a little too close to home.

The silence in the house, the parents’ devastation mixing with Michael’s own, the unintended neglect and lack of support. She wanted to flee this house. Unfortunately, they had only just started.

“Have you noticed Bobby behaving differently these past few months?” asked Amanda gently, Katie giving her the lead in this case. Jennifer had spent enough time with Hotch and Morgan to understand that Katie obviously viewed her as a potential unit chief and was subtly pushing her in that direction.

“He’s thirteen,” said his mother desperately after a moment of silence, “I just thought he was becoming a man.”

“How has his behavior changed?” asked Amanda.

“He’s always been a quiet boy, but a few months ago he suddenly started getting into trouble: he got into fights at school, backtalked to his teachers, and I raised my boy to be honest and just, Agent Gilroy, I taught him that violence isn’t the answer. After these incidences, he held his head down, but he also-“ a sob escaped her and Jennifer pressed her lips together. No mother should have to bury her own child. “He was so quiet after that. He barely talked to us.”

Katie nodded thoughtfully, “it could be that he acted out because he was crying out for help. Do you remember anything else about that time? Was there a new teacher, or a new adult in his life?”

“He’d just switched from 8th to 9th grade, Agent,” said Mr. Garland. “He had many new teachers. Do you think one of them forced him into…” He could not continue. Like so many parents, it was obvious they blamed themselves for what happened to their son.

Into the silence, Jennifer addressed Michael quietly, “Has he told you anything, Michael?”

The boy closely inspected his lap, not willing to look at her.

“What are you saying?” asked Mrs. Garland. “Why would Michael know anything about this?”

_‘Love you, sis. Never ever doubt that.’_

Dispelling the memory of her sister with a shake of her head, she focused on the boy in front of her, “It’s okay, you can tell us.”

The Garlands looked from her to their son, “Michael?”

The boy did not look up. Instead, he muttered, “He just told me to be careful. Told me that if anyone ever tried to hurt me, I should let him know immediately. That he would take care of it.”

“He was just protective,” said Michael’s mother, addressing them rather than looking at her son. “Bobby wanted his little brother to be safe. That doesn’t mean anything.”

“Was different,” mumbled Michael. He never looked up and was hugging himself. “He always had my back in school, but he started warning me ‘bout adults. Said some people may seem nice and you want to make them proud of you, but when the doors close, they become…”

“Yes?” Amanda encouraged him when he fell silent.

“Wolves. But only when you’re alone with them. Normally, they look and behave like sheep.” It sounded like he was quoting his older brother but not quite.

“ _’Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves,’_ ” breathed Mrs. Garland.

“Matthew 7:15,” said Jennifer promptly. Although not nearly as good as Hotch or Spence, being friends with the devil for over a year had nothing if not deepened her knowledge on the bible considerably.

“Yes,” confirmed Mrs. Garland.

“So, he knew the UnSub for sure,” said Katie to Mrs. Garland, “would you mind writing down the names of every person with any sort of authority over Bobby’s life?”

“Are you telling me that someone I know could have forced him to-“ Mrs. Garland stopped abruptly. “The people I entrust my sons’ lives with, Agent Cole, are good people. People of faith. This is a small neighborhood. We all go to the same church, go to the same gatherings. There are no wolves among us. I don’t know what kind of trouble Bobby got into, but… Why didn’t he tell us?”

“Mrs. Garland, none of this is your fault. We believe that Bobby fell prey to a highly skillful manipulator slowly maneuvering him into an inescapable position, one of shame and self-loathing. These feelings kept him from talking about his experiences, even to you,” said Amanda both reassuringly and firmly. “The likelihood that the person responsible was someone Bobby trusted, is high.”

Jennifer’s focus was on Michael who avoided everyone’s attention. He was still hugging himself and did not look up from the table in front of him. He knew something, some secret Bobby had told him.

“Michael, did he ever tell you more? Did he tell you whom to avoid?” she asked gently. When Michael did not answer, but instead closed up even further, his father decided to speak up.

“What did he tell you, son?”

“Nothin’,” muttered the boy, before he added, “I promised not to tell.”

“I know it is a secret, but we can help Bobby if you-“

“He’s dead!” the boy shouted angrily, now glaring at Jennifer. The press liaison of the BAU had met too many people struck by grief, however, to be surprised by the outburst. “What good are you now?”

“Michael Garland, you will not speak to the agents like this,” warned Mrs. Garland sharply.

The boy crossed his arms and sullenly inspected the ground without apologizing, or saying much at all. Jennifer watched him patiently. Hotch and Emily had both told her that sometimes, the best way to get answers was not to press for them, and to simply wait it out. Thankfully, it was easy to wait out a young, grief-stricken boy. Still, Jennifer felt no triumph when the boy finally answered.

“He hated school,” said Bobby. “Said he hoped we would move before I went there. He never said anything else.”

“Thank you, Michael.”

The boy did not hold any additional information, and the parents were too horrified and too grieved to add to the boy’s revelation.

“If they can, they’ll move as soon as possible. There is no way Michael will go to that school,” said Amanda. “I sent Garcia the name of the school. She’ll do in-depth vetting of all personnel and perhaps older students with any kind of official mandate while we catch up with the others.”

“Thanks, Amanda,” said Jennifer. One of the perks of working with people who already knew their team was that they were fully aware of the marvel that was Penelope Garcia.

“Good job, JJ,” said Katie. “How did you know that Michael knew something?”

“Sometimes older siblings confide in their younger brothers and sisters, especially if they’re ashamed and think they cannot talk to their parents,” said JJ remembering some of the things Roz had told her, especially in her last weeks and days.

“I’ll have to remember that,” said Amanda.

Their progress was not too overwhelming, but at least they knew they were on the right track, and their investigation had just started. However, Bobby’s fate after his suicide troubled her and knowing intimately what Michael was going through – and would go through in the near future - made Jennifer wish this case was already closed.

“Poor Michael,” said Amanda. “Finding your brother like that. He’ll carry that with him for the rest of his life.”

Jennifer froze.

“He _found_ him?” She had not known that. She had avoided reading the reports for good reason.

“Yeah,” said Katie grimly. “He came home from school, all excited because he finally aced a math test, and found Bobby in his room.”

Jennifer’s skin prickled and she wished for nothing more than being at home hugging Henry and Will as if there was no tomorrow, while a memory came to her unbidden.

_‘Roz, are you there? Roz, where are you? I made it! You were right. It was so easy! Roz? Roz, where-? MOM! MOM! Come here quick. Roz’s hurt! MOM! MOMMY!’_

“Jennifer, are you alright?” asked Katie.

“Let’s go back,” said Jennifer hoarsely.

She had worried about Morgan and Lucifer, but now she was not sure if she was up for this case herself.


	3. Die Nacht leuchtet wie der Tag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer is unused to having nightmares he cannot just bury. It unsettles him. On top of it all, his brother doesn't understand the word "boundaries".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your support and thanks for the reviews, which I will answer ASAP.
> 
> I can already tell that this story will take quite a bit of time. The writing process is very slow. I have a lot to write for work, which absorbs my creativity elsewhere and even this week, with a week of vacation, I still spend a lot of time listening to audiobooks, reading and watching movies rather than writing. So, I hope for your patience and encouragement in the comments to get me through the first couple of chapters. I hope it'll get easier after that.
> 
> Title meaning: Partial bible quote in German, specifically Psalm 139:12 (“the night shineth as the day“)

Lucifer did not need sleep.

Theoretically.

He had gotten into the habit through human lovers who very much enjoyed and needed sleep, especially after a wonderful time spent together. Still, he had not really slept much until coming to LA, which was why it was quite strange that a lack of sleep managed to unsettle him so.

Or the fact that he was having nightmares he seemed to have little control over. It was disturbing. He remembered talking to Agent Jareau when young Dr. Reid had been plagued by his own nightmares. To him, dreams that the mind cooked up – and he had had plenty of those across the years – could easily be dealt with by burying them and letting them stay buried. That strategy was falling apart by the seams, however. Thankfully, even if his mind was emersed in nightmares he could not control, his grip on his powers was unshakable.

For now.

He had talked to Dr. Bill about them before being called to Quantico.

* * *

_“Do you remember what happened in the dream?”_

_“What do you take me for? An idiot? Of course, I remember. I ended all life on the planet as per Dad’s wishes, only it wasn’t the dr-dinosaur that were wiped off the face of the Earth but my human friends. And they blamed me for it.”_

_There was a pause on the other side of the phone._

_“Are you still there?”_

_“Yes, just… processing the fact you-what did you do?”_

_“Diverted the path of an asteroid by manipulating gravity. Not exactly rocket science.” He paused for a moment, considering. “Rocket science’s overrated anyway.”_

_“Do you have any idea why you’re having these dreams?”_

_“Oh, I don’t know, perhaps because Dad suddenly approves of me and I shudder to think what he’ll ask of me next? Or because the last time he bumped into my life after the Fall ended with me obliterating three towns… and he didn’t even have the balls to barter with me face to face back then… or that, apparently, we’ve all been in grave-“ He stopped abruptly. There were things humans simply should not have to worry about. That was his job, not theirs. “Never mind. Dad didn’t act like his acceptance is attached to any strings, but I keep looking for the ball.”_

_Not that he was looking for acceptance. He did not need acceptance. If anything, Dad owed him an apology, a real one, face to face, and even then, Lucifer intended on laughing in his face._

_“That is a perfectly normal reaction. Your trust in your father was shaken-“_

_“Faith,” corrected Lucifer, rolling his eyes impatiently. “My_ faith _in Dad was broken, ripped apart, ground into sawdust, set on fire and the ashes dispersed in the wind. But yes, go on?”_

_“Your_ faith _in your father was shattered and he did not take any steps toward reconciliation for literal eons. It is perfectly understandable if that makes you suspicious and angry. However, your negative emotions have obviously started impacting your personal wellbeing. How do you intend on handling this?”_

_“You are the therapist. You tell me.”_

_“That is not how this works, Lucif-“_

_“Then what use are you to me?”_

_“My job is to help you come to terms with yourself with the aim to improve your wellbeing. Apart from that, as a retired therapist from the FBI, I also want to make sure you don’t endanger your teammates.”_

_“You no longer work for the FBI,” Lucifer reminded him._

_“Yes, and I am bound to patient confidentiality. However, if I believe that your state of mind is a danger to the success of a case or the wellbeing of your teammates, I might remind you of that earlier than a regular therapist would.” Dr. Bill’s voice was even and annoyingly calm._

_“Well then,_ doctor _, am I?”_

_“I think you’re tormenting yourself right now, but I don’t think you are an actual danger to yourself or others.”_

_Lucifer scoffed, “How about you leave your thoughts on torment to the professionals, and I’ll leave the therapy to you?”_

_“Do you feel bad for the torment you’ve bestowed?”_

_At this point, the devil just rolled his eyes, “I haven’t lost a single night’s sleep over the sinners I’ve punished.”_

_“But the end of the dinosaurs has been plaguing you. Why?”_

_Leviathan’s corpse briefly flashed in Lucifer’s eyes and he halted before answering, “They weren’t sinners. They had just lived out the end of Dra-their reign, and Dad said it was time for them to go, so that Earth could be repopulated.”_

_“So, you didn’t want to send that meteor to Earth.”_

_“I don’t mind punishing sinners,” growled Lucifer. “But I don’t enjoy being God’s Poison. I never have.”_

_“And you’re afraid you’ll be God’s Poison once again now that your father returned.”_

_“Wouldn’t you be?”_

_“Are we talking Armageddon here?”_

_Lucifer knew that tone. It was a tone as old as humanity, that primal fear that resided in all of them; not a fear of the end, but a natural, innate terror of the End._

_The dragons had known consciously that their own End would come, and he had made sure that the End did not necessarily mean their death and instead, either relocation, change or sleep._

_Humans only knew instinctively what was ahead and they shielded themselves from it._

_It was the terrible awareness of every reigning species, the knowledge that a reign would finally meet its End in the future._

_The thing that Dad did not consider when he neglected to tell the humans about it all, was that humans were self-aware enough to both trying to embrace and avoid the inevitable._

_Doomsday cults were simply one of the more obvious ways with which humans dealt with that primal fear._

_“Judgment Day isn’t for a while yet, Dr. Bill,” said Lucifer soothingly. “No need for you to be afraid.”_

‘You’ll be long gone before that happens.’

_He did not say that out loud and he hoped Dr. Bill did not hear it in his tone._

_“Then what are you afraid of?”_

_Lucifer was standing on the balcony watching the pulsing city below him, but all he could see was the scourged earth left behind the meteor. He saw Leviathan’s lifeless body even though he knew that Leviathan was well; even though he knew that barely any of dragons had died._

_“I don’t know.”_

_Or did he? Before he could ponder that question, he noticed that Agent Jareau was trying to reach him on his phone._

_“Thank you for the lovely conversation, Dr. Bill, but duty calls.”_

_“Lucifer, please call me back as soon as you can. It’s important that we talk about this.”_

* * *

Humans and their incessant need to _talk_ about things.

What was there to talk about?

He had made the dragons and now they were gone, and humans were here and he liked the humans, and he knew the dragons would have never given up their reign to the fleshy, little meatballs…He was exaggerating, of course. Dragons were not _animals_ ; they never would have killed humans for sport or food, knowing they were sentient, but they were predators, and they would not have seen kindly to rivals physically weaker than they were. Point was, they would not have voluntarily given up their reign, so for the humans to rise, dragons had to go.

“You okay?” Agent Morgan’s hand was on his shoulder, his expression concerned.

Point was, he was fond of humans.

Point was, barely any dragons actually died.

Why did it still feel like somebody was doing a valiant effort of ramming their hand into his chest and trying to rip out his heart?

“You did a good job in there,” continued Agent Morgan. “Mrs. Ramsey wouldn’t have let us talk to her kid without your help, but still, what you told her-“

“I’m fine.”

* * *

_Lucifer had often teamed up with Agent Morgan. He was always calm and collected, his voice reflecting that grounded demeanor perfectly. It was not that much of a surprise therefore that, for this particular case, Agent Morgan was unable to convey that sense of calm, and as a result, Mrs. Ramsey absolutely refused to let them talk to her boy._

_“My child has been through hell,” said she, “and I’m not putting him through hours of interrogation that will make him feel like he was the one doing something wrong.”_

_“I assure you-“_

_“He tried to- He almost succeeded. Give me some credit, agent, I’m not going to risk my son’s_ life _on assurances that will expire the very second you close this case. His trauma will not end just because your investigation inevitably will.”_

_“Mrs. Ramsey, I know-“_

_“Do you have children, Agent Morgan?”_

_“No, I don’t.”_

_“Then don’t give me empty promises and meaningly proclamations that you know how I feel.”_

_This was painfully unfair considering that, though Agent Morgan may not know how she felt, he had a fair idea about how the boy felt._

_Lucifer could not let it stand._

_“Mrs. Ramsey, wouldn’t you like to repeat your question?” said he quietly, his heart inexplicably hammering against his chest, making him feel like he was trapped in one of those annoying human nightmares. “Aimed at me this time, however?”_

_“Do you have children, Mr. Morningstar?” said she, frowning in confusion._

_His throat felt like it was surrounded by barbed wire. Yet again, he remembered that nightmarish image of Leviathan’s dead body, only it was replaced by the very real body he had found and buried._

_Antaboga._

_She had remained on Earth, staying with Bedawang, her companion who had been among those emerging from the First War. Of the one hundred dragons he had made himself from the ground up_ , _Antaboga had been the only one to actually die at the end of Dragon Reign. She was not the only dragon to die, and certainly not the only one he had never seen again since, but when it came to_ his _dragons,_ _it was her lifeless body that haunted him most._

_He closed his eyes._

_Leviathan was fine! It had just been a dream. Antaboga had died 65 milllion years ago._

_One of these days, he would be able to think of her without pain._

_“I know something about feeling like you failed to protect them,” said Lucifer calmly. He had made them. They were_ his.

_And they were all gone._

_He had not stood up for them. He had failed._

_Mrs. Ramsey stared at Lucifer, and he continued._

_“I’m not going to say it isn’t your fault, or that you couldn’t have noticed,” he continued, ignoring Agent Morgan’s shocked expression. “What I can tell you is that you didn’t do it. A grave injustice has been done to your boy. Let us make sure the perpetrator pays for what he did to him, but in order to do that, we need to know what happened.”_

_“I can’t put him through that.”_

_“So, you want him to suffer alone?” Lucifer retorted coldly._

_“Of course not!” said she, rising from her seat angrily before saying desperately, “He’s been hurt enough.”_

_“And you think ignoring what’s happened will hurt him less?” he continued. If she needed mercy, he could not offer that. He was the wrong angel for empty promises and proclamations. “Trust me, burying it won’t make him forget. If anything, it’ll only prolong the pain. I know torture, Mrs. Ramsey, and the easiest way to break someone is to give them hope only for them to realize that it’s an illusion. Don’t help breaking him. Don’t give him the illusion that it’ll just go away.”_

_She stared at him, but relented soon after that._

* * *

“Lucifer…”

“Who’s next?” he asked, walking toward the car, but before he could open the door, a hand stopped him.

“Hold up, man, talk to me.”

Lucifer almost snarled at him.

_Talk._

He had once spent one million years without saying a word.

Granted, it only translated to one year on Earth, so technically speaking, there were humans who had spent more years in silence than he had, but only technically.

He never thought he would long for that silence.

“I’m _fine_.”

“Right,” was the sarcastic reply. “Your eyes are telling me a different story.”

Only then did the devil realize that Hellfire burned beneath his fingertips.

He blinked, willing for the red to disappear, and looked away.

“Apologies, Agent Morgan.”

“How are you holding up?” The profiler’s eyes were warm and understanding, as if there was nothing Lucifer could do that would make him change his view. Why was there a part of him that viciously wanted to see just how far he could go before Agent Morgan would lose his faith in him? Everyone else had, after all.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you this question?” he asked instead. If this case of suicidal boys and guilty parents was hard on him, how much harder was this on the FBI agent?

Agent Morgan’s expression did not waver, “Do I want to find the sons of bitches who’re using these kids? Yes. Right now, though, I want to know how you are. Tell me. What’s eating you?”

Brazing himself, Lucifer looked at his friend, but before he could speak, he noticed that Agent Morgan seemed to have frozen in time.

Looking over the agent’s shoulder, he saw the disheveled form of his brother.

“Lucifer-“

“How was Hell, big guy?” he asked nonchalantly, trying to cover for the fact he was feeling more than a little furious, and oddly unsettled.

“How did you…?” he breathed, surprised.

“Let’s see,” said Lucifer. “I got one message from Azrael, two messages from Dromos through Azrael, five messages from the current gatekeepers also through Azrael and no fewer than sixteen messages from Loki through his own means… Although I think he was just trying to cheer me up given it content.”

“One of these days…” said Amenadiel hoarsely before his voice trailed off, inwardly promising all kinds of punishment aimed at the trickster.

“Get in line. Nobody is better at pissing people off than Loki.” He smirked. “Well, almost nobody.”

“Brother-“

Fed up, Lucifer did not give him the chance to speak.

_“Have I not made it perfectly clear,_ Brother _?”_ Lucifer asked in the language of Angels. _“I. Don’t. Care.”_

“We must talk!” was his oh-so-stubborn older brother’s reply. In English, of course, because he was too much of a coward for the finality of their mother tongue. “We must. You don’t understand. I learned. I saw. I cannot image what this must have done-“

At this point, Lucifer just started to laugh out loud, “Oh, do piss off, brother dearest! A personal tour through Hell given by Loki and you think you wrote the book on it,” he scoffed. “Let me tell you a secret: Loki doesn’t like you. Sees parallels between you and Odin, in fact. Even on a good day, she’s not bound to the truth, or rather, they can stretch the truth in a way it becomes unrecognizable as such. Whatever he showed you, whatever you saw, that wasn’t all, or it was too much, or not enough. It doesn’t matter and I don’t care. Now, please, unfreeze time, for Agent Morgan and I have places to be and sinners to punish.”

“Not until you talk to me.”

“What on Earth do I have to say for it to penetrate your thick skull?” said Lucifer, now entirely fed up with the conversation. “I don’t want to talk to you. I shun you as you once shunned me. At least, the rest of our siblings won’t be following suit, so don’t you moan to me about it. Leave.”

“I am sorry,” said Amenadiel and Lucifer wanted to tear him to shreds. “I didn’t understand, but now…“

“You do?” completed Lucifer, not caring that his eyes burned red. “Understand what, precisely?”

“What you went through,” said Amenadiel. “That you needed us, and we weren’t there.”

Before Amenadiel knew what was happening, Lucifer socked him in the jaw, and listened to the cracking of his brother’s humanoid bones with satisfaction.

“ _You put me there_ ,” growled the devil. “Nobody forced your hand. You put me there to rot.”

“You could have left,” said Amenadiel stubbornly and so _surprised_ that Lucifer wondered about his brother’s intelligence. “Not to Earth obviously, because Father didn’t tell us you could so we couldn’t have let you stay, but nobody understands the multiverses and planes of existence the way you do, safe for Father himself. We never would have found you. But you didn’t leave. You were obviously punishing yourself for…”

This time, the First Angel landed on the other side of the street with a grunt.

“Punish myself?” whispered Lucifer quietly. “No. I was the one to punish everyone else. I am Judgment, you blockheaded dimwit, what do you think would have happened if I left?”

“But you left regardless,” said Amenadiel, spitting out blood in the process, and for the first time since his arrival, a whisper of accusation started to weave into his tone of voice. Now _that_ emotion, Lucifer knew how to meet.

“I’ve done my homework,” said Lucifer. “I made sure Hell wouldn’t crumble long enough for you to pass on the mantle, but no, of course that isn’t what you did. All you could think of, was getting me back.”

Instead of reacting to Lucifer’s statement, his older brother said, “Hell is a desolate place, Brother. Loki himself said that it was darker and more hopeless than ever. He said that your presence brought Light into darkness and that your absence is felt in every corner of Hell. It seemed to amuse him.” He added, incredulous, and this time, Lucifer just smirked. He could just imagine Loki being Amenadiel’s tour guide through Hell. One of these days, he would ask for the details.

“Then I’m surprised you don’t want me back there, Brother,” said Lucifer. “If the place seems horrid to you as it is now and Loki told you that my absence made it worse, shouldn’t you be the one trying to convince me that I must return as soon as possible?”

“No!” exclaimed Amenadiel, shocked. “Absolutely not. I thought Hell corrupted you and that you corrupted Hell in return, an endless vicious cycle, poisoning each other across the millennia.”

Lucifer snorted – it was either that or feeling genuinely hurt – before saying sarcastically, “Yikes, Brother, good to know how much faith you have in me.”

“I was wrong,” said Amenadiel. “I visited Hell to see, to confirm you aren’t what I thought you were. None of your actions would make sense if you were without conscience; if you weren’t the Lightbringer. I understand now why Father made you the King of Hell. Only the Lightbringer could make sure Hell did not fall into despair entirely.”

His jaw set, Lucifer hissed, “You better not tell me next that Dad was right to send me to Hell. In case you forgot, I didn’t really have a choice.”

“I’m here to tell you that I know what you must have gone through, and that I’m here to help.”

“And how exactly do you think you can _help_ me?”

Burning brothers to a crisp was not good form. Apart from that, he would probably set the Earth on fire in the process. It was a near thing, however, and Lucifer’s patience had evaporated about half a minute into the conversation

“I am here for you.”

Was throttling brothers also considered bad form?

“Thank you for the generous offer,” said he instead with a sharp, disingenuous smile. “But I don’t need you. Now would you please kindly get out of my sight?”

“Let me help.”

Before Lucifer could unleash a verbal tirade on his brother for blatantly ignoring his wishes, he remembered something Dr. Linda had told him.

_“You set the boundaries of reconciliation.”_

_“I don’t want to reconciliate,”_ he had retorted.

_“And that too is a boundary for you to set, Lucifer. However, from what you’ve told me, both your father and your siblings won’t be willing to give you the time to come to terms with the pain you suffered through, bombing you with a mixture of affection, patience and guilt. By accepting your justified anger, weathering the storm of your rage, they will – consciously or not – attempt to make you feel guilty. Because you are a highly empathetic individual, these actions will open you to their wishes, and forcing reconciliation without you being ready for it. So, I think you should try the following: When you inevitably see them, don’t shout, don’t scream, no matter what they say, and simply send them away, firmly and coolly.”_

“The best way for you to help me,” said Lucifer, heeding her advice, “is for you to leave. Right now. I have my duties to perform and you stand in the way of that.”

Amenadiel seemed taken aback by Lucifer’s reaction, indicating that Dr. Linda’s analysis of the situation was dead-on. He would send her a fruit basket after this case was done.

“Lucifer…”

“Leave, Amenadiel.”

It should not be so hard watching his older brother’s facial expression crumble. It definitely should not be difficult to watch him leave.

“Luci-shit!” He heard Agent Morgan approaching him quickly. “You okay? Was that Amenadiel?”

“I’m fine, Agent Morgan,” said Lucifer, hoping his voice did not sound as hollow as he felt. “Let’s go to Mrs. and Mr. Michaels.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On "Loki giving Amenadiel a tour through hell": Let me know if you're interested in a "The 'The Devil Files' Files" chapter...
> 
> References:  
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antaboga  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kiNgR11YUN8  
> https://www.look4ward.co.uk/myths-amp-legends/top-7-most-powerful-mythological-dragons-from-cultures-across-the-world/


	4. Er öffnet die finsteren Gründe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek noticed that Lucifer was tense. He was still surprised to see just how tense he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title meaning:  
> Source: Lutherbibel 1912, Hiob 12:22   
> *Translation: Job 12:22, Lutheran Bible, German, English: “He discovereth deep things out of darkness”

It did not take a profiler to see just how tense Lucifer had been ever since and possibly even before this case started. While teen suicide was a testy subject for Lucifer, that could not be all there was to it. Amenadiel’s presence certainly had not helped, but that was not the entire story either…

“Your ‘dear boy’, Mrs. Michaels, bullied one of his classmates into attempted suicide. Trust me, that’s enough to tip the scale between a journey to Heaven or to Hell.”

… However, he was definitely even less likely to talk around the bush than usual.

“Well, that boy shouldn’t have taken these pictures then.”

“Oh right, I forgot! It’s the victim’s fault,” growled Lucifer. “Tell me, I am very curious, how come that when somebody is murdered, nobody ever discusses the fault of the victim being just too stabbable, and the clothes they were wearing were just asking for it?”

“I-“

“His name, by the way, is Paul Ramsey and he’s one of your son’s classmates. You’ve probably seen before at these stupid, boring school events and whatnot. Do you remember him? A quiet boy, a bit on the shy side, but reasonably polite, and you would catch yourself thinking ‘For all that there are problems at home, he sure is a good kid’? _That_ is the boy your dear Simon bullied.”

The expression in her face was evidence that Lucifer had hit the nail on the head. None of this was in the files, but Derek understood how Lucifer would have come to this particular conclusion. He never would have said it like that to Mrs. Michaels, but then, one of the advantages of being a civilian consultant was that Lucifer could get away with things a federal agent could not.

“That is not what-“

“No, that is exactly what happened,” interrupted Lucifer, which was unusual for him. “Your boy nearly tormented a victim into suicide and now, instead of helping us, you are trying to protect your darling son. The best way to help your boy is to make him feel the consequences of his actions. If you condone this behavior, he will end up as the selfish little bastard you’re raising him as, and that behavior will, sooner or later, condemn him to He-“

“Mr. Morningstar!” Derek exclaimed. “A word please?”

Lucifer posture was tense when they stood outside.

“For someone who hates bullies you’re doing an awfully good impression of one today,” said Derek.

“Oh please,” sneered Lucifer. “I haven’t even started yet.”

“Well, I’m going to end it now. If you’re going to insult our witnesses, I cannot – in good conscience – let you join me.”

“Well then, I’ll see you later, Agent Morgan.”

Not even bothering to look back, the devil walked away and within the blink of an eye, he was gone, having used what he called Shadow Stride to leave the premises.

“Shit!” He texted Hotch briefly about the incident and went back inside, hoping that Mrs. Michaels would see reason and let them talk to her son.

“I’m very sorry about this, Mrs. Michaels,” said Derek as soon as he was back in the house, “cases such as these are difficult, and they can put a strain on the investigators as well.”

“Of course,” said she with the kind of graciousness that bordered on the verge of condescension. “A young teenager prostituting himself, it’s awful, and I do hope that you can help the Ramseys. It’s not really a secret that Mrs. Ramsey is in that profession. It’s illegal, so it’s not talked about, but everybody knows she _meets_ men in private. My boy did a stupid thing, and I’ve taken his phone away for a month, but blaming him for Paul Ramsey’s suicide attempt, is quite ridiculous.”

Derek stiffened; his chest felt too tight. He had talked to his therapist about his own shame, and his old fear that people would have accused him of turning tricks to gain favors from Buford. Hearing this accusation confirmed from someone else opened a can of worms he had believed to be extinct.

“Paul was not involved in prostitution, Mrs. Ramsey, he was coerced and your son has become involved, however, coincidentally. We’re trying to help Simon as well, but if you block us from having a conversation with him, if you keep us from having him as a witness rather than a perpetrator, he will feel the consequences, and a month without a phone will be the least of his problems.”

.-.-.-.-.-.

On his way to Quantico, he called Garcia.

“Talk to me Baby Girl.”

_“Okay, so I tried to trace back the origin of where the pictures came from, but I’m coming up with zip. Nada. These sickos are good, mind you, really good. I think they carved out a virtual network that is inaccessible from the outside, a dark web within the dark web so to speak. My trail went ice-cold, and I don’t like that, Morgan, I don’t like this one bit.”_

Derek closed his eyes tiredly, “Perhaps the interviews will help us. Keep looking.”

_“Will do.”_ She sounded distressed. Damn it, this was just the beginning of this case and he needed her optimism.

“Hey, Penelope?”

_“Yeah?”_

“It’ll be fine.”

Her response was sad laughter, “ _A boy dead by his own hand, another thought this was his only way out. Given what Lucifer has told us, any suicide is a one-way ticket to damnation.”_ Derek could hear her tears _. “How’s this going to be fine?”_

“He’ll make sure the kids are well-taken care of,” said the profiler thickly, “and we’re going to find these sons of bitches, but we need you for that, Baby Girl. Okay?”

_“Okay,”_ said she quietly.

“On my way back. See you in ten minutes,” said he and hung up only to dial Hotch’s number. As soon as he heard him pick up, Derek said. “Heard from him yet?”

_“No,”_ said Hotch. _“His phone goes straight to voicemail.”_

“Shit. So, the three kids are on their way to Quantico. We scheduled Paul for tomorrow so we don’t put Paul and the boys into the same building. Anything else?”

_“Yes, I want you and Emily to go to Robert Garland’s school. His brother revealed to JJ, Kate and Amanda that Robert all but told him about what was happening, and that he hoped they would go to another school by the time his younger brother went there.”_

“He was protecting him,” realized Derek. “He couldn’t talk about it, but he didn’t want his little brother to go through the same thing.” He remembered being so very grateful that his sisters had nothing to do with Buford. On the few occasions that Mom had invited him over, the man’s attention had been on him and him alone. God only knew what he would have done if he had a younger brother whom Buford might have noticed. He shuddered to think how far he would have willingly gone to protect him.

_“My thoughts exactly. At least one of them has to work, or at least be connected at that school. Garcia gave Emily a list of Robert’s teachers. I want you with her while Garcia tries to find a connection between Robert and Paul.”_

“Wait, I thought Emily was with Reid, and you had me and Lucifer talk to Mrs. Ramsey and Mrs. Michaels so that you could interview the teacher. Why don’t you two interview the teachers and we talk to the boys?”

_“Because I want you there.”_

“Hotch.” His heart jolted. Even without saying it out loud, Hotch had made it perfectly clear why he was wanted with Emily.

_“I’m sorry_ ,” was the response. _“Look, I know it’s unlikely you see something the rest of us would miss. I am sorry for using your trauma in a way that will hinder your recovery, but we need to get ahead of this and we don’t have enough leads.”_

“It won’t be one of his teachers,” said Derek decidedly. “They’re smarter than that and we don’t get to talk to every teacher, assistant, coach and nurse in the building. We need these people to help us find the UnSub, not have them angry, scared for their career and suspicious of each other. We’re going about this the wrong way.”

There was a pause on the other end until he heard a sigh. _“You’re right.”_

“Hotch, what’s wrong?”

It was ironic that he had asked this question about a dozen times in one day while fighting the urge to jump into a shower and scrubbing himself until his skin started to peel in the heat. Hotch did not say anything and Derek wished the unit chief was with him in person. He could not read him at all over the phone.

“Hotch?”

_“From what Lucifer has told us, we have to assume that- Never mind.”_

What on Earth was going through the man’s head?

“Is Lucifer okay? Has he told you anything?”

_“No more than you,”_ was the reply. _“JJ simply reminded me that bigger things are stake.”_

That was not good. Hotch did not usually miss the big picture – whatever the big picture was in this case – and if he did, even for a moment, the man tended to overcompensate, and that usually led to pushing the members of his team too hard and too fast.

“What?”

_“Lucifer’s father returned.”_

Derek was dumbstruck. He was so fully emerged in this case, he had figured that this had to do with JJ and her reactions to teen suicide, which made him think that she lost someone when she was very young, or that it had to do with Lucifer and the case. But God? Seriously?

“Who cares? The selfish bastard is up there in the clouds reconnecting with the kids he left behind without warning or help. Why should we lose a night’s sleep over this? Sure, we gotta be there for Lucifer, but that’s so far out of our control, I’m surprised you’re letting this get to you. It’s like worrying about an impending Earthquake. It’s either going to happen, or not. We can’t stop it.”

He had accepted that from the moment he realized that Lucifer had not talked in metaphors. There were things out there they could not control, and Derek accepted that. Lucifer had made it perfectly clear that their fate came down to personal choices.

God’s _gift_ to humanity.

God did not give a damn about their personal lives, not like his son who would forever bear the burden of caring too much, and therefore, giving the selfish prick a second thought was too much of a courtesy, really. The only thought he would spare him, was how his return affected Lucifer.

“You think Lucifer’s doing what he does because Dad’s breathing down his neck? Why wouldn’t he tell us?”

_“I think it’s more the fear of that happening rather than it being a reality.”_

“Hotch, listen to yourself. This is Lucifer. He’s a lotta things, but he’s not one to chase after shadows. Shadows obey him, as does the light.” He took a deep breath and continued talking, his voice hoarse. “When we were talking to Mrs. Ramsey earlier, he mentioned something about failing to protect ones children, how he understood her feelings. Lucifer is empathic, but still has trouble recognizing his own emotions. This is big, but I don’t think God’s anything to do with that. Not directly at least.”

_“The dragons.”_

“Think grief counseling of parents who lost a child, now add hyperthymesia and about 65 million _Earth_ years without doing anything to alleviate that pain. And that is taking away the trauma of Falling from Heaven, extreme shunning by his family and spending your days as a torturer in a place where every moment is almost an eternity. Where does that leave us?”

_“A mess,”_ sighed Hotch, sounding defeated. _“You’re right, though. Interviewing the school at this point makes little sense. We need to narrow down the suspect pool first. Let’s meet back at Quantico.”_

“What about Lucifer?”

_“Let’s leave him for now. When we have a lead, we’ll pray to him. You know he wouldn’t ignore us. Right now, there’s little he can do.”_

* * *

It turned out that Lucifer was already at Quantico by the time Derek arrived, but it turned out that this was not good news.

“What do you mean he locked himself in with the boys?” Rossi a slightly flustered Trevor Rowlings; the agent had probably been in charge of prepping the rooms when Derek just stepped out of the elevator together with Emily and Reid whom he had met back in the parking lot.

“It means he came while you were on the way, just in time for the arrival of Simon Michaels, Marcus Anderson and Sebastian Miller, and their parents, and guided the boys into one of the meeting rooms, somehow convincing the parents to wait outside. He locked the doors behind him and we can’t get in.”

“Shit,” breathed Derek, suddenly realizing that he should not have let Lucifer leave without eliciting a promise of non-interference in the investigation.

“Which room?” he asked Trevor who responded to his query without hesitation. Emily fell in step with him.

“Mr. Morningstar?” said Derek, knocking sharply on the locked door. “Let us in.”

He heard the lock turn, but he had not heard any footsteps toward the door, which either meant that Lucifer was standing by the door, or he had used non-human means to unlock it, and Derek hoped it was the former. He pressed the handle and entered with Emily right behind him.

The boys… looked terrified, but no worse for wear. Not that it surprised Derek; Lucifer was not violent, but he knew how to get inside anyone’s head. The subject of his thought was _not_ standing by the door; in fact, he was standing behind the kids with an expression that made even the profiler want to run for the hills. He had seen quite a few depictions of the devil and his smile (had looked them up even more after they found out about Lucifer), but what none of the movies and paintings could ever truly capture were the eyes. They were not red the way they were when Lucifer was struggling with his temper, no, they were their usual dark brown, but in this light, they appeared pitch-black. Seeing them softened Lucifer’s expression considerably, but when he looked back at the boys Derek knew that he would not let their actions go unpunished and he would be _creative_ with his sentence unless Derek managed to convince him otherwise.

“Simon?” said Emily causing the boy in question to look up. “I’m SSA Emily Prentiss and this is SSA Derek Morgan.

“We don’t know nothing,” the boy burst out, “I got the photos, and I don’t know where they’re from, okay? I just thought it was funny. Paul’s weird and his mom’s a wh-“

“Finish that sentence and I will make you regret ever learning the ability to communicate verbally,” said Lucifer, his voice sharp and the boy flinched. “Come on, agents, these boys are useless.”

With that, he walked out, furious. That was surprising; Derek had expected him to punish them for what they did, but perhaps they were still within the realm of puppy protection, and he was a content with just scaring the living daylights out of them. Derek had the suspicion that the boys would not look at a single photo without getting an adult’s permission for a long time. The boys looked like they were all about to cry, if they had not done that already and Derek, as much as he knew what they did was inexcusable, felt sympathy for them.

“Come, boys, we have a few more questions. Let’s get your parents in here.”

* * *

The parents were not as upset as Derek expected them to be. It looked like Lucifer put the fear of the devil into them, too, though much more subtly and probably on a more subconscious level than the terror he instilled in the boys.

Half an hour later, they were free to go, and Derek was so very tired.

He saw Rossi and Lucifer talking to each other not too far away and caught up with them quickly.

“Alright, spill!” said he.

“I don’t have any drinks with me to spill, Agent Morgan,” was Lucifer’s terse reply.

“Oh, don’t you bullshit with me, I’m dead-tired. What’s the matter with you? You know you can’t talk to witnesses on your own, least of all with minors without their parents present.”

“They’re not going to sue,” said Lucifer, rolling his eyes in exasperation and Derek gritted his teeth at the callous response.

“No, but you’re our civilian consultant. If they file a complaint, you could be in some serious trouble. We might be forbidden from keeping you in the team, and I for one, don’t look forward to losing you.”

To Derek’s pained realization, Lucifer’s response was a dismissive scoff, “Please, I’m not going to die on you. That’s your job.”

Speechless, the profiler stared at Lucifer. Softly, he said, “Yes, I will die. All of us will, and you’ll live on and that sucks, and just the thought of this being the other way around makes me want to curl up in a corner and cry. I get why this scares you, why this angers you, but we’re all here, right now. We’re your friends, and you’re not getting rid of us that easily.”

“Oh, it’s very easy, actually. Time is all that is needed and I have plenty of that.” Lucifer’s expression was still cool and detached.

“But you’re still too late,” countered Derek.

“Late for what?” asked the devil, looking confused and human for the first time since Derek entered that meeting room.

“For not caring,” said Derek. “That ship sailed, man, and I don’t think you can catch up with it now.”

Lucifer closed his eyes, looking pained, “Odds are, I could, but I’ve never been the one to chase after such ships.”

“Perhaps you should take a day off,” said Rossi softly, “Call Dr. Bill or Dr. Linda. We’ll let you know if we have a breakthrough on the case.”

Lucifer looked at Rossi and then at Derek.

_“Shouldn’t I be asking you this question?”_ Lucifer had asked earlier today, fully aware how many memories this case would bring about. He would stick around if Derek gave an indication that he could help. Despite Lucifer’s current state of mind, he still thought of them first.

“You take a breather,” said Derek kindly. “We’ll be fine.”

Lucifer did not let off immediately or gave him that false smile he wore when he tried to divert someone’s attentions. Instead, he held his gaze, trying to determine whether or not Derek was lying.

He was not. Unsurprisingly, Lucifer saw that. He gently put a hand on his shoulder, said his goodbyes and left without looking back.

“You okay?” asked Emily quietly after Lucifer was out of sight. “You’ve been tense, also with the witnesses in there, and Lucifer seems to be worried about you.”

“I’m good.”

“Not for long.”

Derek almost snapped at Hotch with a ‘what now?’ but remained silent when he realized that Katie Cole, Amanda, Garcia and JJ were with them.

Garcia was pale.

“What happened?” asked Rossi.

“Katie and I figured that this ring is well-organized but has no base to work from. While I’m sure this is part of the reason why they haven’t been detected yet, we believe that there has been a change of behavior. Sending these images to Simon Michaels, that was a bold move that shows they’re confident nobody would give away their identity or their location. This confidence can be what breaks it all apart. Right now, they’re full of it and that means they’ll want their own place, a place that signifies safety and opportunity.”

Derek could practically see the doors of the youth center before his eyes, making him wonder whether Buford too had needed to work up the confidence to so blatantly abuse the children under his care. Not for the first time, Derek regretted not having told anyone about what a monster Buford was.

“We had Garcia pull up a list of applications for youth centers, day care services and the like. That person would be new to the ring, recently moved to the city, no priors, possibly no prior experience or training involved in working with children. Only three names came from that search.”

“Good,” said Emily. “That’s a good lead.”

“One of them’s a Ryan Turner,” said Katie. “Hotch said you all knew him.”

Derek felt a chill run down his spine. He knew this was nonsense and a goddamn coincidence, but the mere thought made him shudder.

“You can’t be serious.”

“We know it’s not him, but we’ve got to talk to him,” said Hotch. “Or we’re off the case because of personal involvement.”

Thankfully, the direct personal involvement had just walked out of the building.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone :) 
> 
> All the best for the end of the year - and possibly, if writing's slow - have a great start into 2021. You people are the best!


	5. Dunkel War Unter Seinen Füssen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer feels untethered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Psalm 18:9 (Lutherbibel), „Darkness was under his feet”
> 
> WARNING: This is Lucifer being on the brink and not particularly human in some of his thought processes.

_“Lucifer, thank you for calling. How are you?”_

Dr. Bill’s voice sounded wrong, like all voices sounded wrong over the phone. It was like a distorted mirror to their Light and Lucifer _hated_ it. He had never enjoyed it too much, but he could usually deal with; he had long accepted it, but today, it made him want to throw his phone away… or break it. Either was fine with him.

“The team has given me a day off,” said Lucifer in response.

It was not a lie, but certainly not the entire truth either.

_“I see. How do you feel about that?_

Lucifer scoffed quietly, “That Agent Morgan was wise to send me away.”

_“Why?”_

“Because I nearly bestowed undue punishment on a bunch of very stupid boys,” growled Lucifer. He still wanted to. He had always hated bullies, and bullies that nearly drove others to suicide were very much on top of the list of humans he enjoyed punishing. He was creative about it, too, from slowly peeling off their skin with his nails to whispers in the dark that would drive them insane within seconds… Lovecraft was boring in comparison to the terror he bestowed on those who deserved it. He had done it all and would again without hesitation. He enjoyed doing it, too.

_“What kind of punishment would you call undue?”_

“I nearly tagged their souls for Ammit,” said Lucifer.

_“Why didn’t you?”_

“Because they didn’t rape, mutilate and murder the boy they were bullying,” growled Lucifer. “Their actions did not warrant the destruction of their souls, however much I would have loved to do so.”

_“Ammit is the Egyptian Goddess known to devour human souls, isn’t she?”_ asked Dr. Bill. _“She’s the worst punishment you can bestow.”_

“Not exactly. The worst punishment would be to tag a damned soul for Heaven for they will surely Fall and the Fall never really ends until all they once were, is destroyed.”

There was silence on the other side of the phone and Lucifer set his jaw.

_“So, Falling from Heaven is the greatest punishment in existence,”_ concluded Dr. Bill.

“And a gold star to you.”

_“And you lived through that punishment.”_

“I’m not sure,” said Lucifer quietly. “Part of me died, and another part of me never stopped Falling.”

_“This is going to sound very strange, but are we talking metaphorically or literally?”_

“Honestly, I don’t know,” whispered Lucifer. He was in his room in the penthouse. The elevator was blocked. No soul in their right mind would even _think_ of approaching him right now. He had cut off any connection to any sibling. Even if _Azrael_ were to look for him, she would not be able to find him. In many ways, he was an empty hull, and the only being capable of locating him was the one individual he wished to run from. He had stripped himself off any clothes because even the soft silk of his suit was painful on his skin. “I’m no longer who I once was. Before.”

_“That happens sometimes,_ ” said Dr. Bill calmly. _“Traumatic events can radically alter the personality of-“_

_“_ Stop talking to me like I’m some human!” Lucifer shouted, so angry that Hellfire started to burn around him. Thankfully, no living creature was near or he would have hurt them. “A shift of personality is not an option for an angel. We are or we are not. They should have killed me, but they didn’t because they needed me, and so here I am, still being what I once was, just… crippled beyond recognition.”

_“Do you want to die?”_

“If I wanted to, I would have died long before you knew me, Dr. Bill. But I didn’t.”

_“Why?”_

“Because the universe cannot survive without the Lightbringer,” Lucifer laughed darkly. “For the Light may be a dangerous beacon in the dark, but without it… Everything dies.”

_“So, you lived for… humanity?”_

“No, I didn’t give two hoots about dad’s little pastime back then. I’m talking about the universe, the younger angels, the old gods, my- Every creature in this universe.”

_“Your what? Are we back to the dinosaurs? This has been hurting you and I think we’re back to what we talked about not too long ago.”_

“The dinosaurs were long gone at that time,” said Lucifer evasively.

_“That may be true, but you are not telling me everything.”_

“You wouldn’t live long enough to know everything that happened. That’s my whole point.”

_“What happened back then? What are you not telling me?”_

“Goodbye, Dr. Bill.”

Lucifer hung up. His phone rang and rang and he crushed it in his fingers. As if to mock him, the phone in his room started ringing and he stalked over to his bed, picked it up and barked, “Yes?”

_“You are not well. It’s going to take me one hour to come to the club, but I am on my way,_ ” said Dr. Bill, sounding alarmed.

“Don’t bother,” said Lucifer dismissively.

_“No, I am. I am worried about-”_

Lucifer decided he was absolutely dead-tired of having humans telling him how he had to act, but what was even worse was that he always let them, even if he did not like it. Well, not today.

“Dr. Bill, you will put down the phone and forget that this conversation happened. In five days, you will look at your notes and realize that you haven’t talked to me since our session about my dreams and you will call me. You won’t mention the extinction event of the dinosaurs because you didn’t think it was important. Now, you will hang up the phone and go about your day without worrying about your devilish patient. If you already told your wife of your plans, you will let her know that all is well, and that you must have fallen asleep on your desk.”

He was Lucifer Fucking Morningstar and while he could not bend reality the way Dad could, he sure as hell could change a single human’s plans for the day. Predictably, Dr. Bill hung up the phone.

He ruthlessly suppressed any sense of guilt that stemmed from manipulating the honorable man. He went to his bar and poured himself a glass of whisky, but it did nothing. He barely felt the burn in his throat because the rest of him felt like it was on fire. He crunched the glass and let the dust settle on the counter, falling like snow. As if someone had increased the volume on the radio, Lucifer could hear everything that was going on nearby; the endless cars, the noise, the girl that fell on the sidewalk and scraped her knee now calling for her mother’s arms, a kitten abandoned in an alley just a few blocks from here (he made a mental reminder to have a member of the staff get her), the arrival of the choir downstairs.

Oh yes, it was Tuesday.

_“Hey, Frank,”_ he heard Jason greet his friend.

_“Evening, Jason. Is the boss in?”_

_“Haven’t seen him all day. There was a case this morning, so he’s probably off for a while.”_

Oh, right, he had not taken the front door, or the elevator… or human means. Nobody knew he was here. That was going to be interesting.

“ _Too bad,”_ said Frank and he sounded genuinely sorry.

_“Yeah,_ ” replied Jason. _“Job’s more fun with him around. Anyway, bar’s closed, as you know. Anything non-alcoholic I can get you?”_

_“The usual,”_ said Frank, “ _Thanks.”_

_“Lucifer’s out?”_ he heard Director Daniel’s voice. _“Pity, I haven’t seen him in a while. Alright, everyone! Settle in please and let’s start.”_ There was a pause. _“Our host gave us permission to praise God in his absence, so let’s do that.”_

Why had he done that again? Oh right, because it was their desire whenever they sang and their unfulfilled desires had driven him up a wall. He should have kept his mouth shut.

Listening to _Break Every Chain_ was not too bad. It praised his adoptive brother, so he almost enjoyed it, but then it shifted and they sang _God’s Grace_ and Lucifer had enough at ‘ _How did I make it this far?’_ because he certainly did not have _Dad_ to thank for where he was today, and neither did they. Unable to force himself into a suit, Lucifer gave up on dressing completely and instead grabbed a robe, closed it firmly and stepped into the elevator. By the time it stopped, his skin finally melted back to its human color.

_Mary, did you know that your baby boy  
Would one day walk on water?  
Mary, did you know that your baby boy  
Would save our sons and daughters?  
Did you know that your baby boy  
Has come to make you new?_

_This child that you delivered, will soon deliver you  
Mary, did you know that your baby boy  
Would give sight to a blind man?  
Mary, did you know that your baby boy  
Would calm the storm with his hand?_

_Did you know that your baby boy  
Has walked where angels trod?  
When you kiss your little baby  
You kiss the face of God  
Mary, did you know?  
Mary, did you know?_

Lucifer closed his eyes painfully as the notes rang through his heart and soul, tearing him apart from the inside out.

_“Mary did you know?”_

He sang, his voice more sonorous than he usually would let it sound, causing the entire room, staff, visitors and choir members, to look at him. He knew his lips were forming a very bitter smile.

_“Did you know that your baby boy  
would take his last breath on a cross?_

_Did you know he would cry in pain?_

The memory of Antaboga’s still body made him shudder with fury.

_“Mary, did you know that your baby boy_

_Would cry for Heaven’s mercy?_

_When you kiss your little baby  
That he would die before your eyes?”_

Silence followed Lucifer’s additional lyrics to a song that he could barely stand on a good day. Today? He had seen the sacrifices God had asked of those who loved him.

_“Mary, did you know  
Did you know?”_

“And if you did,” he asked into the deathly silent room. “Would you have let it happen?”

He had known. And he had let it happen. What did that say about him?

Coming down here was a mistake, but he had needed them to stop singing. Not even bothering to say anything else, he walked away and stepped back into the elevator, but just before the doors closed, Frank slipped through.

“Not in the mood, Frank,” warned Lucifer quietly.

“I figured from the frankly depressing lyrics,” said his friend quietly. His eyes were calm, sympathetic and… understanding? For just a moment, Lucifer did not see _his_ Frank; instead, he saw another, one that could have been.

That Frank was wearing a priest’s collar, and his eyes wore an expression of permanent loss. He knew this man, too. Of course, he did. He knew them all, all of the Alternates, he just usually did not bother to look.

The Mandela Effect, as humans came to call Celestial hiccups, were not complex enough to become a multiverse and was instead what happened naturally whenever angels walked the Earth unless you made sure it did not happen. There were quite a few Alternates around these days, and technically, they were mostly Lucifer’s fault because he had walked and thus influenced the Earth as an Archangel, but without enough power to carve out any reality about to branch off from his influence. He had not cared at the time; after all, Falling had not been his idea, and thus he let his family deal with the mess that came with the devil walking the Earth. Perhaps, it was good that humans feared him.

This was not one of his Alternates, however. This Father Frank he now saw, he was not even a true Alternate, but rather an echo of what could have been if Lucifer had followed his Dad’s offer in the form of Chloe Decker and Beatrice Espinoza…oh. How strange. Amenadiel had often told him (back, when they were still talking to each other, long before the Fall) that time was not linear, yet it was still strange to see a more recent event influencing the past. If he had taken the bait, Michelle would have… He looked from Michelle, who was still by the piano but watching them worriedly, to “Father Frank”, who was not really there, and was relieved to have dismissed Dad’s offer without even understanding what it was.

Yet, “Father Frank” understood how Lucifer felt, and so, Lucifer knew, would his Frank. He blinked, consciously dispelling the Alternate and calmly viewed _his_ Frank’s concerned expression.

“It’s not within an angel’s power to create a soul,” Lucifer whispered.

“Okay,” said Frank and entered the elevator, shutting it close and sitting down on the cool floor. Lucifer let himself slide down as well, hugging his knees.

“I didn’t know,” he confessed.

“What happened?”

“I was fascinated by the lifeforms that came from-that were there and I wanted to make some of my own, so I did. They were _magnificent_ but so very fragile.” Lucifer whispered. “Their bodies don’t break down due to age, but when the bodies break, they… They’re gone. Forever.”

Frank’s expression was solemn, understanding without needing further explanation and Lucifer was grateful for it.

“I’m sorry.”

“I miss them,” breathed Lucifer. “They cannot be here, but I miss them.”

“What about prayer? If they’re celestial beings-“

“They’re not. They’re to me as you are to Dad. Well, not quite, for I formed them, created their bodies and made their Light, but they wouldn’t hear my prayers any more than you could hear Dad’s. They couldn’t bear it.”

“Could they pray to you?”

A bitter smile formed on Lucifer’s lips, “Dragons and demons are the only beings without a Celestial Spark. The soul,” he clarified when he saw Frank frown. “The Spark is necessary for prayer.”

“You should visit them, then,” said Frank decidedly. “My father, you know how close we are, but we go months without seeing each other, and sometimes, he calls me out of the blue because he needs to hear my voice. That’s when I realize that I needed to hear his, too. If you can, you should call on them.”

Lucifer had always kept the dragon’s location secret, scared to even think of it, never knowing whether Michael, Amenadiel or Dad thought they might need to finish the job. Never willing to risk it.

_“Dad, I know you’re listening,_ ” he thought. _“I’m going to visit them. If you or yours bestow any harm on them in the process, I swear I tear down Heaven in the process.”_ Dad knew Earth was safe from Lucifer’s wrath. He cared too much. He did not give a damn about Heaven (pun absolutely intended), though. The babies would find their way outside of it.

He had.

“Perhaps, I should.”

Frank pats his shoulder and smiles at him. Lucifer felt a lump in his throat and swallowed dryly, unwilling to talk more. He was afraid what would happen to him if he did.

“Let me know if there’s anything I can do,” said Frank.

“You’ve done plenty, thank you,” said Lucifer truthfully.

The man rose from the floor with a groan, stepped out and just as the doors were about to close, he heard Ryan’s voice from the bar.

“Hey, Frank. Is Lucifer here?”

“Yes, but-Derek, is everything okay?”

The doors closed and the world fell blissfully silent as Lucifer got a grip on his frayed emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mandela Effect is a pretty fascinating concept. Listen to Dark Somnium’s “The Girl The Universe Forgot” on Youtube. That’s where I heard about it for the first time.
> 
> To summarise this chapter whenever I talked to SilverWolf7 about it: Oh boy...


	6. Ein geängstigtes, zerschlagenes Herz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan has a talk with Morgan and Rossi, then meets up with Lucifer. This was not how he planned on spending his evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all-
> 
> So, this was a tough one to write because the first half just breaks my heart. 
> 
> Thank you so much for your support. Updates will definitely be back to a "update every 2 weeks" schedule, and I cannot even guarantee that because I've been writing some other stuff to balance out the angst-fest I'm writing here and January is pretty tight as far as my working schedule goes, so... bear with me.
> 
> Note on the title:  
> Title from Lutherbibel: “Die Opfer, die Gott gefallen, sind ein geängsteter Geist, ein geängstetes, zerschlagenes Herz wirst du, Gott, nicht verachten.”  
> (English Psalm 51:19: „The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.“)

One look at Derek and David was enough to know that whatever this was about, it would not be good news. They both looked grave and unsettled, especially Derek.

“Hey, man,” said Derek. “You got a minute?”

“Sure. Is everything okay?”

Derek did not say anything and Ryan felt a wave of dread, “What happened?”

“Can we talk somewhere in private?” asked David.

“Let’s go to the staff office,” said Ryan and led the way, even though he knew they knew where the staff rooms were. Lucifer had given him full permission to go anywhere in the club and his staff members treated him accordingly, so he figured they would have some privacy there.

“Derek?” he asked once they were in the staff room, which was not occupied by anyone.

“We’re working on a case.”

“I know,” smiled Ryan, confused. “Lucifer told me. What about it?”

“The case concerns DC,” said David. “It appears to be an organized ring of UnSubs who sexually abuse and exploit young male teens, ages thirteen to fifteen. It’s bad. At least one kid has already committed suicide as a result, another tried.”

Ryan’s heart clenched.

_Shit. Poor kids. Poor Lucifer._

“Lucifer’s bound to not take it well. Is that why you want to talk to me? I can try to talk to him, and I will, but I’m not sure how much I can help. He takes these cases to heart and likes to pretend they don’t.” This was by no means the first difficult case for Lucifer. “The UnSubs don’t faze him, but the individual fates of the teen souls involved, they absolutely do, even though he has a hard time admitting it,” said Ryan.

Lucifer was a wonderful being, but he had a hard time examining his own emotions.

“That’s not why we want to talk to you,” said Derek, looking miserable and serious.

“You’re pale, man,” said Ryan, now outright worried. “What’s wro-” Stupid question and he stopped himself from finishing the question. Who would not be shaken by a case like this? Ryan knew personally how much Derek cared for kids, wanted to give them the best possible future. Reacting like this was perfectly natural if a bit out of character given the man’s profession and how used he was to gruesome cases. “I mean, why come to me?”

“We currently believe that the members of this group contact each other via the internet, but they don’t have a base of operations so to speak, and we believe that they now have the confidence to do so. They’re all preferential offenders working together, helping each other find victims, and concealing their crimes. As a next step, they’ll want to build a place so that they don’t have to be out there and individually risk getting caught.”

Ryan felt slightly nauseous in the face of these conclusions; he had seen some really messed up shit, but the kind of things Derek and Dave had to deal with, that was a whole different ballgame. Worse, it was their job to get into these people’s heads. Then there was Lucifer, of course, who had seen the worst of the worst and was still a remarkably positive individual. He had not lied to him, Lucifer truly was the Lightbringer in every sense of the word.

“What kind of place?”

“We’re guessing a youth center or something similar.”

Ryan’s skin started to tingle at the implication, dread filling him. Just the thought that, while trapped in the mountain of paperwork he had buried himself in, the administrative hoops he was still jumping through, that, while talking to other people planning their activities to support disadvantaged youths, he might have been in contact with a fucking monster, and had not seen it…

“Want me to help you find the sons of bitches? I’m not trained for undercover ops, but if you need someone who’s currently dealing with the ins and outs of opening up youth centers…” Their expression was still grave. “Oh G-By the stars, don’t tell me I had contact with one of them.”

Derek’s lowered his head.

“ _Who_?”

“No, man, that’s not it. Look, please don’t take this the wrong way. This is just general procedure.”

Ryan suddenly felt both hot and cold, “Derek?”

“Garcia did her magic, looking for individuals that are currently looking into opening youth centers…”

So cold. Ryan felt so cold, he almost shivered in response.

“With kids of the right age range, etc. …”

_Please, no._

“You ended up on that list.”

Rage coursed through Ryan so suddenly he almost felt dizzy.

“You think I did this?” he choked out. His tongue seemed paralyzed. He felt the adrenaline rush through his veins. “You think I’m capable of-“

“No, we don’t,” said David firmly, “but there is no justification for us not to interview-“

“Are you kidding me?” Ryan exploded. “Are you fucking lecturing me on procedure? Fuck protocol! You standing here tells me that you think I could…” He was breathing heavily as a painful thought crossed his mind. “Is it because I’m gay?”

“No,” said Derek quietly. “Of course not.”

“I’m into _men_ ,” hissed Ryan. “Not into little _boys._ In fact, it appears that my type is six foot three, handsome as the devil, and capable of putting me down with his little finger, or better yet, up against a wall.” Normally, he was very private about his sex life, for obvious reasons, but in this moment, he was so furious, he did not care. “So, anything else you want to ask me, _agents_? Because otherwise, I will leave this office right now.”

“Ryan, you’re not a suspect,” said Derek, looking utterly miserable, but Ryan did not care. If anything, he was glad to see the man did not take this lightly, but it did not dispel his impotent fury.

“Go fuck yourselves,” hissed Ryan, and opened the door. He paused before scoffing, “Oh, but then, when I say that, it probably counts as sexual harassment.”

“Ryan…”

They did not stop him, so they probably did not suspect him enough to make him stop, so Ryan fled, unable to spend another second with the two men. He quickly walked through the club and entered the elevator. By the time the doors closed, his fury was replaced by frustration and helplessness in rapid succession, so that tears sprung in his eyes and he had to suppress a sob.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!_

In this moment, he could feel all his dreams and plans go up in flames. If this became public, that FBI agents had been investigating a pedophile sex ring and his _name_ came up during the investigation, there was no way in Hell he had any chance of ever opening that youth center. Even if, no parent in their right mind would wish to send their kids there. His men knew him to be the guy who had contingency plans for his contingency plans, but here, he had to admit that this had not been on his radar.

_Fuck._

Tears burning in his eyes, he entered the penthouse, hoping his lover was there.

“Lucifer?” he asked, his voice wavering.

There was no immediate response, “Lucifer, are you here?”

“Ryan,” he heard him from what could vaguely be termed the bedroom (his lover was allergic to doors after all) and he followed the source of the voice.

What he encountered was not what he had expected: Ryan had seen Lucifer in many different types of clothing, from impeccable suits to naked, but currently, his lover was dressed in clothes that reminded him vaguely of the traditional clothing he had occasionally seen on deployment in the Middle East. Specifically, the devil wore what seemed like an expensive version of a _jubbeh_. For a moment, he was dumbstruck and did not even remember why he was here and why his throat and eyes hurt from unshed tears.

“Going somewhere?”

“Yes, visiting Leviathan and he still struggles with the fact that I look like a human. I don’t want to spend too much time explaining fashion choices to him, so I stick with what he usually saw me in when I was visited. Why are you here?”

He sounded vaguely irritated and rushed as if he did not want to lose time.

“Leviathan,” repeated Ryan. “ _Job 41:1-34_ Leviathan? ‘ _And the great dragon was thrown down, that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world—he was thrown down to the earth, and his angels were thrown down with him’_ Revelation 12:9 Leviathan?” His father had made sure Ryan knew the Book of Revelation inside out. Ryan knew Lucifer would never do anything that endangered humanity, and that Leviathan was likely one of his dragons, but still, he had to make sure they were on the same page.

“Yes,” said Lucifer, rolling his eyes. “Whoever thought it was a good idea to introduce John to khat deserves punishment. Not saying that the Reign of Humans won’t end, but Leviathan has nothing to do with that, and John just had a bad trip. Give him a pen and a couple centuries and now it’s widely accepted as something that could actually come to pass.”

The bizarre topic almost made him forget what had just happened.

Almost.

“Derek and David just visited,” said Ryan hoarsely, “to talk to me about the current case.”

Lucifer, still quite distracted and seemingly impatient to end this conversation, frowned, “Why would they need a military consultant?”

“Actually, I was interviewed as a potential suspect,” Ryan gritted out.

Lucifer froze in his tracks and then he scoffed, “That’s ridiculous. You probably just ended up on one of Ms. Garcia’s lists because you’re trying to open a center for these teenaged terrors. No need to worry about it.”

Ryan incredulously stared at Lucifer, “If this becomes public knowledge, I-“

“It won’t,” said Lucifer dismissively, “and as soon as they find the real culprits, nobody will even consider it a possibility.”

“Right, because nobody ever accused a gay man of improper conduct,” retorted Ryan, truly pissed off.

“What does being gay have to do with child molestation?”

“Nothing!” he knew his voice sounded shrill, but Ryan was about two seconds away from vomiting. “That hasn’t kept people from making the connection, regardless.”

“Well, surely not the team,” said Lucifer confidently. “Or anyone in possession of halfway functioning mental faculties. You’re making a mountain out of a molehill. Now, if you will excuse me, I will be back in a few days.”

Ryan shuddered. He had never felt more alone, “I was hoping you’d be a little bit more understanding.” He could barely utter the words without his eyes burning with anger, frustration and absolute despair.

“Well,” sighed Lucifer, “I’m sure this is difficult for you, but I have seen them interview a lot of people that are not actually considered suspects and are simply part of a process of elimination. Now, excuse me, I have very important-“

“Can you forget your own fucking issues for one fucking moment and actually talk to me, you self-centered prick?!”

It burst out of him before he could control it. It was either crying or getting really angry, and being furious sounded good at the moment.

Lucifer’s eyes flashed a burning red and Ryan was suddenly, keenly aware that his lover was the devil and seriously pissed off.

“My dear, if I were self-centered, I assure you that none of you would be here.” He smiled, but it was not the nice smile that made Ryan’s heart skip a beat whenever it was directed at him. This smile was almost feral and made his survival instincts go haywire.

“None of us?” he repeated, though he already knew the answer.

“I hated the mere idea of your very existence,” said Lucifer quietly. “I could not bear it. I brought that rock to Earth, wiping out everything that lived on the planet. Or nearly everything. I served as God’s Poison,” he sneered. “But I did it to ensure your existence.”

“You’re talking humans,” whispered Ryan.

“What else crawls across the planet, invading every place like locusts looking for a meal,” hissed Lucifer, sounding so very cold.

“Do you regret it?” whispered Ryan. “Ending it, making us possible.”

Lucifer scoffed and it did not take a genius to find out that, yes, here in this room, Lucifer wished he had not obeyed his father.

Ryan had been afraid, many times. He knew fear. Fear for your life, fear for the lives of the people under your command, fear of your own choices blowing up in your face. It could be a strong motivator or it could paralyze you. Fear could kill you. However, what he felt in this moment, looking into Lucifer’s cold gaze, that went far deeper than that. This fear was worse than your own nightmares haunting you, worse even than what he had seen described in Lovecraftian horror stories.

Not fear of death.

It was the fear of non-existence.

Ryan had not known there was a difference. This power had been… _was_ in Lucifer’s hands. Worse, it was in God’s hands. Despite Ryan’s current fury and despair, despite _Lucifer’s_ insufficiently suppressed fury, he knew that Lucifer would not have denied their existence; it was not in his nature. The Lightbringer wanted life. But God? Ryan suddenly realized how close they had been to not just dying, but to never have been, and it terrified him to his core.

Lucifer saw it. Of course, he did. Instilling fear had been his job for eons. The devil scoffed, turned and was gone, as if he had never been there. All of Ryan’s fury left him as if someone had turned off a switch. He fell on his knees and the dam broke. Crying so hard that his whole body shook and his lungs were unable to draw in enough air, he let it all go.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

He was shaking, fear coursing through him like poison, and with his anger gone, he could barely channel it. He had coping techniques, of course he did, he would not have been able to do his job otherwise, but usually it was just that, a job. This was his life crumbling before him and he was so afraid. Muscle memory took over when his regular breathing techniques failed and he realized that he was hyperventilating. He folded his hands, lowered his head and began to pray, his entire body relaxing almost instantly.

_“Our Father in Heaven, hallowed-“_

He stopped abruptly and shoot up as if stung.

“Shit, not you, G-“ Fear gripped him like a vice.

_Fuck._

Could he even curse God out? Lucifer had made it perfectly clear his father knew everything. What if he took exception to that. What if-?

He had not known how much of an anchor religion still was to him until it crashed and burned and in retrospect, Ryan wondered why it took so long to realize he was dating the son of God...

He was shaking with fear. He had seeen Lucifer angry before, irritated, even furious, but what he had seen in that smile was more than that. More than a force of nature, more than sitting next to ready-to-launch nuclear weapons, more than anything he had known existed and it was angry.

No, not angry.

The realization hit him like a ton of bricks, remembering his earlier conversation with Lucifer, his nightmare.

Lucifer was _in pain_.

Fear slowly ebbed away. Lucifer was angry, yes, but mostly, he was hurting. Literally. For eons, Lucifer had been suffering from chronic pain that had inhibited him, and only recently, it had subsided giving way to a lot of... energy… Ryan's ears turned bright red remembering some of the ways Lucifer had spent the rush of leftover endorphins coursing through his body. Had the slowly subsiding physical pain and his father's offered hand unearthed the trauma that had come with it? 

Ryan’s own life felt like it was in shambles, but it was not, not really, not yet. He could cope, he always had. If nothing else, he knew the Army would take him back, but he felt like he had not truly listened when Lucifer was talking about his nightmares. They had talked about duty, about Lucifer being ordered to end the Reign of Dragons, but what had God truly asked of Lucifer? Lucifer had made the dragons, and it was slowly dawning on Ryan that in some ways, they must have been his children. They were certainly his creations. His nightmare had been about his humans dying instead of the dinosaurs. He had not said a word about dragons dying; he had simply said their ‘reign ended,’ and it was obvious that some – Leviathan – were still alive, but what if some had died when the meteor hit the planet? It was not as if God had never asked anyone to sacrifice their own children; he had sacrificed his adoptive son.

Or let him sacrifice himself, according to Lucifer.

Not only had Lucifer not been allowed to stand in for his own creations, he had ended their lives as they knew it. In some way, he had killed them. Some probably died.

 _“I’m so sorry, Lucifer. I’m so- I didn’t listen to you. You’re too damn good at distracting me. I know you must miss them, even if you don’t talk about them. I promise you next time, next time, I will listen to you.”_ Tears flowed freely now, his vision swimming as the pain, his anxiety over the investigation and his shame were fighting for dominance. A warm hand covering his had him look up.

Lucifer was kneeling before him, his eyes soft and worried.

It seemed almost sacrilegious, him sitting on a bed and before him was the most beautiful creature in the universe, kneeling before him as if _he_ was the angel.

“Don’t be sorry, my dear,” said Lucifer quietly, his lips forming the ghost of a smile. “I am. I’ve been… You’re not nearly as upset as you think you are.”

“I sincerely doubt that,” gasped Ryan, emotions still swirling through him with an intensity that worried him, but the tears subsided.

“Oh, trust me on that,” said Lucifer wryly, “You’re responding to me feeling unbalanced.”

“ _Unbalanced_?” repeated, trying hard not to laugh at the understatement of the century.

“Yes, unbalanced,” reaffirmed the devil. “I owe you, Dr. Bill, probably half of the club, the BAU and even the three stupid boys an apology,” continued Lucifer softy, still on his knees, looking up at Ryan, half-amused, half-ashamed. “I have a temper, I know that, but I rarely let it influence my surroundings. However, I have been told that, when I do, I …leak, just a bit, just enough to incite riots if I’m not very careful. There’s a reason for me to have a bad reputation, Ryan. Bad things happen around me when I feel unbalanced. I usually have better self-control.”

“Try heartbroken.”

“Excuse me?” Lucifer frowned, clearly not understanding and Ryan suddenly realized that Lucifer had _no idea_ how much pain he was in. He knew he was not feeling well, possibly knew he was angry, but he had no clue how to process any of that.

Ryan leaned forward and let himself slip onto the ground; he could not bear the thought of looking down on his lover; there was nothing to look down on.

“I never had children,” began Ryan. He knew Lucifer well enough to know that the angel was better able to process feelings when you put it into context, gave an example, and usually that meant putting Lucifer into the situation the person was going through. However, Lucifer was so far detached from his own pain – a pain Ryan could not even _imagine_ – that all Ryan could do, was try to put it all in human terms. “I cannot imagine losing them, but I’ve met many – far too many – people who had to bury a child at some point or other in their lives, and they’re all heartbroken. It doesn’t matter how long ago it was, how well they’ve adjusted, whether they are now happy. When they remember their loss, their heart breaks all over again. No parent should have to bury their own child. It’s against the natural order of things.”

Lucifer closed his eyes and said bitterly, “Oh, but chaos is a natural part of life, and chaos will forever mess with ‘the natural order of things’.”

Okay, so it was not a particularly good idea to argue with the laws of nature when one of its creators was sitting in front of him. Lucifer still did not understand what Ryan wanted to say.

“Leviathan survived it then, the end of Dragon Reign,” he said, trying another route into the mess that was Lucifer’s emotions.

“Yes, most of them did.”

“I thought-“

“I know,” said Lucifer, shaking his head, “you all _thought_. I knew what was coming and I did not intend on letting them be slaughtered. So, I prepared them.”

“What happened?” asked Ryan softly and at a loss. He had no idea how to help his lover if he did not know what happened.

“I shouldn’t…” said Lucifer, briefly looking up.

“Oh, hang that son of a bitch!” exclaimed Ryan, but not without his heart skipping a fearful beat, hoping God was not as vengeful as the Old Testament implied. “You’re hurting. If you don’t want to talk about it, I totally understand, I’m not pressuring you into anything, but if the only reason you’re silent is your father, then… If he punishes you for telling your loved ones what’s bothering you, then he’s-“

“Petty? Selfish? A narcissist? Vengeful?” suggested Lucifer with a bleak smile. “All of the above and more, I’m afraid.”

Ryan’s breath hitched, folded his hands and, for the first time since he was a boy, he said a prayer out loud and was absolutely convinced that it would be received, “Our Father in Heaven, I… don’t know how to start this, to be honest, how to strip it all down, so let me be clear and to the point. Your son is hurting, the son you have reclaimed, the son whose forgiveness you sought, the son you wronged. I know you can hear me, so give him a sign, tell him that it’s okay to talk, if not to me or another human then make sure he talks to someone who’s allowed to know. Someone who isn’t you because, frankly, you were the one doing the hurting and-“

Lucifer’s hand was on Ryan’s cheek and he smiled, “Message received.”

“Oh.”

For some reason, he had expected some giant, flashy response. His hands still folded he said “thanks” before quickly looking at Lucifer.

“And? What did he…” It felt like he was both too small and too big at the same time. He was fully aware that the response was for Lucifer, and very likely that God knew that he would do this and that the only reason Lucifer allowed it, was because it was _Ryan_ and the former military operative was suddenly very grateful that Lucifer gave a damn about free will, otherwise he would be played like a fucking fiddle.

Lucifer did not say anything at first. After a minute or so, he got up and had Ryan sit next to him on the bed, holding his hands.

“In their last years, I made sure they either left Earth, went to sleep or took a form that would allow them to live through it all.”

“What form?”

“Let’s just say that humans are prone to mix up a variety of mythological creatures,” said Lucifer wryly, “but that is not what I’m talking about. My dragons lived for millions of years and they had children and their children had children. I created them, yes, but their children were no longer mine. The thing is that what I made cannot die from age, but what came from _them_ could and did. You say it’s unnatural to bury your own children, but that is precisely the fate of the dragons that came from dragons. The second generation was very long lived, but they were ageing, dying after fifty to a hundred million years. I-we-Dad said it was because every light fades, like every star will eventually fade, so do they. From light cannot come the Spark, and only the Spark is eternal and while I can provide the Light to makes the Spark, its creation is not within my powers,” Lucifer shuddered. “My fault. My youthful arrogance doomed them.”

“But, Leviathan-“

“The first generation doesn’t have the Spark, but I made them with my own hands. You have to understand, I wasn’t _human_ at the time, the form as you see it, did not exist. I was an angel, and I was Light and that’s it.”

“They came from you as much as they came from the Light around you,” concluded Ryan, causing Lucifer to nod.

“So, they are immortal for they are of me. The second generation, they lived long lives yet they were essentially mortal, which we didn’t realize until the birth of the fourth generation. Can you imagine? The first to live forever, the second for up to a hundred million years, the third for ten, the fourth… They still lived longer than the dinosaurs, but when they died, they were _gone_ , like they were never there in the first place.” Lucifer’s whole body was shaking. “All due to me. There was no fifth generation because the light that made them was finite and there wasn’t enough left to create new life. They should have _despised_ me,” Lucifer hissed tiredly.

“Who?” asked Ryan, though he felt he already knew the answer.

“I made them and doomed them in the same action,” said Lucifer, “I’ll never forget K’uk’ulkan’s expression when he comforted his grieving daughters, only to carry them to their graves what seemed to me like a heartbeat later. I wanted him to _hate_ me for it.”

“He didn’t, though,” stated Ryan.

“No,” whispered Lucifer. “No, he said that without me, he and his daughters would not have been and that was enough to be grateful to me. Grateful. If I hadn’t messed it all up…”

Ryan hugged him, “You didn’t know.”

“That’s not a valid defense,” countered Lucifer.

“Not what I meant. This isn’t a court and I’m not a judge and you cannot be your own judge. The stars only know what you would do to yourself,” he smiled faintly. “Let’s look at this a different way. Carl Jackson was a member of my team. He had a heritable heart condition that he didn’t know about. His baby boy died at age two. You are Celestial Justice, Lucifer. Does he deserve to burn for inadvertently being the cause of his death?”

“Of course not, but it’s hardly comparable-“

“True, because from what I know, you were the equivalent of a teen at the time. You didn’t know. If you had, you wouldn’t have done it. But imagine a world without Leviathan, without ever having met K’uk-…the Mayan dragon?” Lucifer looked utterly horrified at the prospect, “So, I’d say you didn’t mess up as badly as you think you have.”

Lucifer remained silent, taking it in, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. The poor soul looked utterly miserable.

“Who do you miss the most?” he decided to change topics a bit.

“Antaboga was always the sweet one, so concerned about everyone,” said Lucifer quietly. “The original den mother, so to speak. She was-“ The devil swallowed, his eyes dull. His voice had hitched when he spoke the name and it made Ryan wonder whether this was the first time he had spoken her name at all since her death. Ryan put his right arm around Lucifer’s shoulders and the angel let his head fall on Ryan’s chest, looking dead-tired all of a sudden.

“My condolences,” said Ryan quietly.

“I haven’t thought of her in _years_. Now, whenever I do, there’s this pressure in my chest that I cannot escape. What do I _do_? She’s gone. Forever. Hell, even if I begged Dad to be admitted to Heaven, she still wouldn’t there.” Unshed tears glistened in Lucifer’s eyes, his voice thick and lost. “What do I do?”

Death did not have the same meaning for Lucifer as it did for humans. The soul lived on and even if Lucifer refused to enter Heaven, the devil knew they were there, well and taken care of. The dragons that died were to him the equivalent of a human losing a child; he would never see them again. Worse actually: Lucifer was immortal and, unlike many people who believed in at least some form of afterlife where you could reconnect with your loved ones, he knew they were snuffed out and gone forever. However, the devil had a gift no human could rival, and it was time to remind him of it.

“You remember,” said Ryan. “The good and the bad. The silly things and the important moments. Everything you had with her. Don’t shove her away completely. Tell her goodbye, but don’t force yourself to forget what you had with her.”

Seeing an angel cry was not nearly as poetic as it sounded. It was gut-wrenching and Ryan held onto his lover as tightly as he could, silently projecting his esteem for the unique creature who somehow decided he could entrust Ryan with what was tearing him apart. Wrapping his arms around the devil, Ryan vowed to never break that trust. Oh, they would fight. They were both headstrong and had their quirks, but Ryan would never betray his lover, not out of his own free will; he was aware this meant very little when dealing with angels, demons and God himself, but it was enough.

It had to be enough.

Holding Lucifer close, whose tears subsided quickly – far quicker than any human would be able to – and was now silently leaning against him, Ryan’s thoughts drifted toward all the celestial influence in his daily life.

He had just received proof that “Dad” was listening. So, God had to know he was dating his son…

“Lucifer?”

“Hm?”

“Is your dad welcoming or the shotgun-by-the-door kinda guy?”

Lucifer laughed out loud, it was a bit broken, but genuinely amused and surprised by Ryan’s change of topic. Giggling, he said, “That really depends on whom you’re taking out for dinner.”

“You?”

“In that case,” the devil said softly and turned his head so that his dark-brown, warm eyes captured his. He looked vulnerable, his tears not even dried on his cheeks, yet he also looked very entertained. Ryan put his hands on wet cheeks and gingerly removed the tears. “I’d worry about Raguel if I were you. Date Raphael and you’d be dealing with…” There was a long pause, and then, with a surprised exclamation, he continued, “Huh. Me.”

Curious, Ryan asked, “What was that? What are you thinking of?

“I simply realized that I’d prefer you not dating him. Or anyone, not just my baby brother,” he added, looking away as if ashamed. “Forgive me, that is not usually how I-“

Ryan cut him off with a close-lipped peck on the lips. He was actually quite touched. Lucifer was whatever the opposite of a possessive lover was, and while Ryan appreciated that, it was remarkably good to hear that Lucifer preferred him not dating other men.

“Now, sex is a different story, you can always-“

Ryan kissed him again, then grinned, “Why go for a cheap sandwich when you can have the five-course menu?” This time, Lucifer was the one kissing him, so thoroughly and sensually that Ryan felt his toes curl.

It took him a moment before he remembered, “Wait, so Raguel is the shotgun-by-the-door type?”

“More the look-at-my-baby-brother-and-I’ll-tear-you-limb-from-limb-and-probably-take-a-whole-galaxy-with-you type.” Disbelievingly, Ryan stared at Lucifer, who shrugged, “I wish I was kidding.”

“That doesn't help my anxiety, you know,” muttered Ryan.

Lucifer wrapped his arms around him and said, “I’m sorry for feeding into that. The way you felt, it was nurtured by my own turmoil. I really need to call Dr. Bill. Do you think he’d like some flowers? His wife does. A card? Gift basket, but that’s more a ‘thank you’, I guess, and not very appropriate…”

Watching Lucifer fret about how to properly apologize made Ryan squeeze his hands gently. Instead of being comforted by it, he stared at Ryan, “How do you feel? You are right, I haven’t really been listening. What is the implication-?”

Ryan cut him off gently, “I will call Derek, see if they still want to talk to me. As you said, I haven’t done anything and I’m not a real suspect, I simply appeared on a shortlist on Garcia’s screen. I was-am hurt, but I wasn’t listening either, just felt like my sexual orientation was the reason I shouldn’t be working with teenagers. I saw my whole future go up in flames, to be honest,” the memory alone made him shudder, “but I’ll figure this out. You stop worrying about us and go to Leviathan. I think you need it.”

“It’s kind of selfish,” said Lucifer, “isn’t it? Visiting him out of the blue, needing him for comfort…”

“In my team, every single person with kids has told me one way or another how their kids are crucial for their inner balance. No matter how shitty a mission we returned from, their kids always helped them recover. Not by burdening them with their problems, but by listening to them, being near them.” Lucifer did not look convinced, so Ryan continued, “When I first became a team leader, I was blessed with an engineer sergeant one year shy of retirement, a true miracle of a man. He was 55, his son 38.” Seeing Lucifer’s eyebrows rise, Ryan chuckled, “Yep. He became a daddy pretty early in life. Anyway, he shared a lot with his son, telling him things my own dad wouldn’t have been caught dead telling me. There were a few topics he wouldn’t tell his kid about, but once his son hit 25, he figured he was now an adult and deserved to be treated as such. Leviathan is, what, 250 million years old? Give him some credit and treat him as such.”

That argument seemed to convince him, and Lucifer rose from his seat on the bed, albeit reluctantly.

“I will be back soon. Are you sure there is nothing I can do for you?”

“Go ahead, go see him, I’ll be fine,” smiled Ryan. “Gotta be honest, though, I’d love to meet him.”

“Let me talk to him first, not sure how he’ll respond to having a bite-sized stepfather.”

Before Ryan could counter that little jab, his lover had already left the premises.

Folding his hands, Ryan sent a wry prayer as a farewell ( _“Oh, I wouldn’t mind_ someone _biting me.”)_ and almost instantly wondered whether prayers always landed at the right address, which then led to the horrifying thought that he might have done a celestial version of mild sexting to various members of the celestial family. Before he let himself dwell on that too much, he decided to call Derek.

The call was brief, but enough to calm what was left of his nerves.

_“I feel like I overreacted.”_

_“Don’t, man, I get it. Trust me, I’ve been on your end of the suspect pool, and I get why this unsettled you. Besides, you’re close to Lucifer, and we’ve all been unsettled. Feeling better now, though. You managed to talk to him?”_

_“If by ‘talk to him’ you mean ‘having a fight of epic proportions followed by an actual talk and making up’, yes, I did.”_

_“Good, thanks. None of us came through to him, I guess a blowup was inevitable. I’m just glad it wasn’t me in the line of fire. Sorry that it was you.”_

_“Would have preferred the line of fire, to be honest, but… I’m also glad we did this.”_

_“You were never on the suspect list, you know, but we had to talk to you.”_

_“I know. I hope you find whoever’s responsible.”_

After that call ended, he left Lucifer’s home and returned to his own apartment. He needed a bit of time to just…relax, accept this day as a shitshow, be grateful for its positive outcome and to look forward to another day.

That was all one could do sometimes.

Barely inside, his phone rang. Inspecting the caller ID, he was surprised to see that it was Simon Hall on the other side.

He picked it up, “Sir, is everything alright?”

 _“Kid, one of these days, you’ll pick up the phone and will say Simon, I swear,”_ chuckled the brigadier general and Ryan relaxed, utterly relieved. This was a social call.

“Knowing our luck, it’ll be when it’s an official call and you have me on speaker with a five-star general, Si-mon.”

He waited. His former mentor would tell him why he was calling, there was no need to ask.

 _“Heard an interesting rumor,”_ said Hall.

“Oh?” said Ryan, and a whole plethora of different options went thought his head. Had he heard of his contract with the FBI, his team’s latest deployment where he had been called in for a brief consultation, his plans about the youth center (or rather, that he was finally actually working toward it), or had he already heard of Derek and David telling him that he ended on a shortlist? He would not be surprised if that were the case.

_“Heard that someone finally gets a promotion.”_

“Kind of a waste given I’m just a consultant now and only marginally on the payroll.”

 _“Well deserved and long overdue,”_ was Simon’s response. _“I put you up for a promotion years ago. You should be a senior officer by now, but-anyway, congratulations. I’ll be at the ceremony.”_

“Thank you, sir.”

 _“Still just a friend calling,”_ reminded him Simon and Ryan really needed to train that honorific out of his address to him. _“Now, you sounded way too apprehensive when I was talking about rumors. What_ will _I hear about?”_

Ryan chuckled. It was a bad idea to underestimate Simon Hall. Ultimately, Ryan told him about the youth center as well as today’s rather terrifying events, carefully excluding any mention of Lucifer from his summary.

 _“I hope they find whoever’s responsible,”_ said Simon, obviously not even bothering to give Ryan’s presence on the shortlist a second thought. It was embarrassingly calming. _“That’s not all, though. The other day when you mentioned your girlfriend Lucy? Everything alright with that?”_

Ryan audibly winced. Right, _that._ Well, after the day he just had, coming out to the man who had become a father figure to him without having the slightest clue how Hall stood when it came to same-sex couples, was probably not the best idea. However, he had come out to his team and they had taken it like the fantastic people they were, and he was doing Hall a disservice by thinking he might go off the rails. Even if he did not approve at first, he would come around.

He hoped.

“We’re good. He’s been going through a very tough time. Family troubles and a very stressful job, but we’re good.”

There was a long pause on the other end of the phone and Ryan felt his heart hammer in his chest.

 _“Lucy’s a stage name, then?”_ asked Simon. _“Like RuPaul?”_

Ryan was kind of glad they were on the phone because he probably would have hugged the man if he had stood in front of him, which would have been highly inappropriate given he was still his commanding officer.

“No, sir, I just chickened out on you,” replied Ryan honestly. “His name’s Lucifer Morningstar… And that _is_ his name,” he needed to clarify. He would not introduce him as Lucifer Morningstar-Fletcher. That was the topic for another day. “Luci with ‘i’ is a nickname, though.”

 _“I get why he would be going for that nickname,”_ was all Simon said. _“He’s good to you, then? No need for me to visit him with a shotgun?”_

Given Ryan’s earlier question to Lucifer, this comment made him laugh out loud, “No, sir. Thank you. No need to defend my honor.”

 _“Somebody’s gotta. I have two sons, both having brought home these sweet young ladies, both being any in-law’s dream.”_ That was true. Sybille and Veronica were wonderfully kind, intelligent, well-educated young ladies and great matches for Simon’s sons. _“Always wanted to play tough guy, to be honest.”_

“Not to burst your bubble there, but he’d kind of kick your ass with both hands tied behind his back.”

_“Tell me.”_

As horrible as this evening had started, in ended on a pretty high note, as Ryan spent the next fifteen minutes bragging about his lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:  
> https://www.britannica.com/topic/dress-clothing/The-Middle-East-from-the-6th-century  
> https://www.openbible.info/topics/leviathan


	7. Dass eure Sünden vertilgt werden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer hasn't seen his dragons in a while. Before he returns to Earth, he hears about a death that changes his plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Apostelgeschichte 3:19 (Acts 3:19: [Repent therefore, and turn again], that your sins may be blotted out.) Literal translation: That your sins may be devoured.
> 
> Again, sorry for the slow updates. This series has become complex and I need to reread notes before I write anything...
> 
> WARNING for this chapter:  
> First part of this chapter is for everyone, but the second part can be quite distressing, dealing with a far too young kid committing suicide and her soul being sent to Hell over it.
> 
> Lucifer being the devil/punisher and not very understanding or loving.

He had missed him.

And the feeling was mutual.

Leviathan did not ask; once you were a couple of million years old, millennia really only meant very little. However, the second Leviathan saw his creator, he already wrapped around him.

_‘So tiny.’_

That was the first thing the little rebel conveyed the moment he squeezed tight. A normal human would have been crushed, but Lucifer felt utterly comfortable in his creation’s embrace.

_‘Tiny Maker.’_

Lucifer chuckled quietly, _‘It’s Tiny Dancer.’_

_Curiosity_.

Always so curious, and, Elton John being as good of a starting point as any, he told him. The dam broke pretty quickly after that; the last time they had seen each other was after the Fall of Sodom and Gomorrah, and very briefly later, when Lucifer had been forced to say goodbye to Leviathan, before the latter left Earth to come here to what Lucifer had dubbed the Dragon Plane.

Leviathan did not let go all… Okay, so time was as relative as it got, here. Not as slow as Heaven, not as quickly as Hell, but not as straightforward and linear as Earth either. It did not matter. The point was that they had time and they used it all; The last time they had truly talked, after the fall of Sodom, Lucifer had held back – his thoughts too untethered and frankly, dangerous, to release them even on an ancient dragon – but now, now they had to talk, and while he was not _well_ , he was not two seconds away from letting the world burn in its entirety.

In turn, Leviathan had fewer things happening to him, yet there had been major changes in his life.

Most importantly, Leviathan and Ryūjin finally found themselves.

Good.

Only took them 250 million years.

With _a lot_ of pining, especially on Leviathan’s part.

Really, even though it sounded like a cliché, the ladies were so much smarter about this. Bedawang and Antaboga – _he missed her, so much_ – these two had understood what they were to each other from the beginning, completely inseparable.

_‘She’s my companion.’_ Antagoba had told Lucifer when he was introduced to Bedawang, when Antaboga was barely grown.

_‘Your mate?’_ he had replied, curiously. At the time, thanks to the ones later known as Old Gods, Lucifer had learned about relationships outside of ‘family’ and ‘enemy’ and found ‘friends’, ‘lovers’ even, and learned that they could be that for each other. However, those who connected and were with each other, they were either mates or friends.

_‘Mates sounds like we are mating. And we don’t,’_ had been the firm reply.

‘ _So, friends.’_

_‘No. She’s my all.’_

In retrospect, Lucifer realized that his own creation likely belonged to the first ace beings of this universe. That was a strange thought.

Leviathan and Ryūjin on the other hand, they were definitely mates.

Leviathan was a bit too detailed about praising Ryūjin, though, and Lucifer had to remind him, that – while these two were not family to each other – they were both _his_ and he did not want to know. The dragon found that hilarious and teased him about it, only to suddenly curl in on himself.

The devil asked what was wrong, but Leviathan refused to convey anything.

At some point, he finally communicated to more words, _‘So tiny.’_

_‘I’m starting to take that personally,’_ Lucifer grinned wryly. Tightening his hold on whom he would never dare think of as his favorite, he let himself breathe. The memories of these last weeks and months assaulted him and before he could truly get a grip on himself, he conveyed a not insignificant part of it to his creation.

Leviathan froze in place, _‘_ He _has returned then?’_

He had told Ryan that the dragons never blamed him for dooming them, but he had not told him that there were about a hundred very powerful dragons that would die before bowing to Dad.

Die, Hell, if Lucifer had ever wanted a war with Heaven, they would have been right by his side, awaiting certain obliteration with open claws. Their hatred of Dad was not a secret, and that had been before the Fall; if they had not feared Lucifer’s destruction as punishment for their actions, Leviathan and Ryūjin, and the other remaining eight would have destroyed the world. It had been Leviathan’s first question, right after, _‘Maker, are you well? You are tiny!’._

_Do you want the world to burn?_

He had hesitated at the bone-chilling question, to his own shame. In that moment, after serving as the Punisher yet again, after meeting that despicable man praising dragon-bone weapons, he had wanted to say ‘yes.’

He had declined, though, because – and only because – they would have been killed in the process.

_‘He’s back,’_ said Lucifer. _‘Seeking… Reconciliation.’_

_‘He who murdered our own deserves no reprieve and no moment’s peace. He who exiled you, he who did not listen, shall live with you hating him.’_

The growl vibrated in Lucifer’s chest, and – as always – he put a soothing hand on Leviathan’s skin.

_‘Leave him.’_ Then, because this really weighed on him, he continued. _‘How can I hate him when you refuse to hate me?’_

_‘But you did as you could, made us and then tried to mend what was not within your power. It is still within his and he willingly watched us all grieve. That I cannot forgive.’_

Lucifer sighed, accepting the reproach. He knew why Dad had not acted back then – he had wanted humans to inherit the Earth – but Leviathan’s side of things was understandable. He could have given them real souls, could have made sure there was a Spark. He had not and Lucifer was not entirely sure why, well, he used to think so – that he hated Lucifer and his dragons and wanted them gone without having the balls to deal the death-blow – but now, he was not so sure. Instead of dwelling on that, he spent the next…period of time to convey what happened since they last saw each other, though he abbreviated endless years in Hell to the bare minimum.

Again, Leviathan begged him to meet Loki – or _meat_ Loki, Lucifer was not entirely sure, which one it was; Loki was technically older than Leviathan, but this meant very little given that Leviathan was basically Light personified. Lucifer knew they would either adore or detest each other and he was not about to test things out.

The only thing that completely unsettled Leviathan were the wings. When he retold what he had decided to do, the world’s fiercest dragon let out a roar of sheer terror that – if any mortal had heard it – would have frightened many to death. Lucifer was not too shaken by the outburst; he had come to expect it. Raphael could barely stand him mentioning it. And he understood why it shocked people (thanks to the team talking to him about it), but to him personally, they had been dead-weight since the Fall, the shackles that tied him to Hell’s throne, and losing them for real had not overtly hurt him.

He missed flying, though. Putting all that aside, he soothed the irate dragon and told him about his years on Earth when, suddenly Leviathan stretched, facing the water in front of him. Lucifer’s senses caught up just a bit later, but he did not have to guess. There was only one being that Leviathan would notice earlier. Ryūjin rose from the water in one smooth motion and his worry (probably having heard Leviathan’s scream) was replaced by utter joy.

_‘Creator!’_ he exclaimed and just like his mate, he wrapped himself around Lucifer squeezing tightly enough for Lucifer to feel this form’s bones creak under the pressure. _‘He was right. You are tiny.’_

_Oh, for Heaven’s sake._

Lucifer just rolled his eyes. Leviathan fretted.

Not that he would ever admit it, but he nervously circled them; Ryūjin’s patient amusement, patience he only ever granted Leviathan, was so achingly familiar that Lucifer had to smile. The sea serpent detached himself from the archangel and then intertwined with Leviathan whose trills sounded innocent and young in a way Lucifer had not heard in millions of years. Watching these two was cute, particularly how flustered Leviathan was with Ryūjin’s sweet affection, and Lucifer wondered just what had Leviathan so worried.

[Insert time he could not really specify] later, the two knew he now lived on Earth, had left Hell behind and that no, they could not visit, because humans now had better means of surveillance and no, they could not frighten them into leaving them alone, and yes, he missed them, and yes, he would visit more often now that Dad had conveyed his approval of Lucifer. He told them of Candy and Ryan and boy, did that lead to a discussion of no, they still could not visit his mate, or his companion, and no, as much as Dr. Reid would be thrilled to meet them, they could not see him either.

Not right now, and certainly not on Earth. He also told of what happened, of his nightmare and ever since he had conveyed the memories, Leviathan had not let go of him, while Ryūjin was protectively curled around both of them. The thing about this way of communication was that it was impossible to lie and harder to keep things back (thus, Lucifer mentally chanting ‘ _na na na na na na’_ whenever these two impossible lovers conveyed just bit too much of their time together; they were completely unbothered by whatever he let slipped from his own lovers, albeit Leviathan had hesitatingly said ‘ _but they break so easily’,_ which led to Lucifer explaining to them that he could control his body very well… but yes, they were precious cargo).

Ryūjin excused himself at some point, wanting to swim in the never-ending sea; it was not a lie, but unlike Leviathan, who had managed to keep his love for Ryūjin out of his fellow dragons’ reach, the great sea serpent clearly conveyed that he wanted to give them privacy and the look he bestowed on Lucifer was, _‘Creator, he has been acting strange. Fix him.’_

Amused and for once feeling ancient in a good way, mature and emotionally utterly balanced, Lucifer tilted his head at Leviathan whose frustration was almost literally telegraphed in his direction.

_‘His words, not mine. What’s up, kiddo?’_

Bristling at the implication, he replied, _‘Not a cub.’_

_‘You’ve wanted to tell me something ever since you told me about Ryūjin_. _Tell me.’_

A flurry of emotions was pushed at him; anyone else would have been lost in the sea, but Lucifer had made them, a dragon’s turmoil was easy to handle compared to his own.

_‘Sweet One, he_ loves _you. He’s not going to change his mind.’_

A miserable trill told him everything he needed to know.

_‘If anyone,_ anyone _, including myself, would accuse Ryūjin of what you’re accusing him of in this moment, you would kill them. Without hesitation.’_

A dragon should not be able to grumble. It was cute and terrifying at once.

_‘He didn’t tell you because he didn’t want to risk your companionship. Any of these fears ring a bell? He always favored you, always prioritized you, just like you did in return.’_ He sighed. _‘I’ve been told that communication is crucial for the success of a relationship, and you really should tell him what you fear.’_

Alarmed, Leviathan reject the advice non-verbally, still not forming clear words or images, too embarrassed about it all.

_‘Then you risk losing him. I’ve had my mate for only a couple of months, which is nothing. And I nearly blew it by not talking and not listening. Be smarter than this.’_

Leviathan just growled at him and Lucifer scoffed, _‘That may work with everyone but not with me.’_

What happened next was almost predictable. The dragon from the Book of Revelation rose to his full height and screamed so loudly that it was heard in every corner of the dimension, the earth shook and Leviathan’s fury was like a hurricane rolling across the sea. The waters became stormy and the clouds darkened.

Rolling his eyes, Lucifer let go off his human form.

Here – on this plane of existence where time was non-linear – he could spread his wings; not angel-wings, perhaps, but a form only marginally less frightening. Leviathan reeled, giving away the distressed trills of a baby dragon looking for its mother’s protection. And that had his mate burst from the sea like a wraith, a roar in his voice. Lucifer knew that for Leviathan, Ryūjin would attack anyone, including him – however futile that endeavor – but hurting either was not his goal.

Instead, he flew away, one flap of his transporting him for miles and miles and oh, how he had missed it! The dimension was near unending, but his form may as well be a beacon in the sky. He spent his time saying hello to all of them; unlike with Leviathan, he never landed or assumed human form. Few approached him directly, but they all were happy to see him. He took his time with each any every single one of them, and he had no idea if months or years passed, probably centuries…

When he returned, his precious creations, entwined into what seemed like one big dragon, were watching him lazily. He so did not want to know how they came to look like that.

_‘And?’_

_‘Thank you, Maker.’_ It was all Leviathan said, looking embarrassed at his earlier outburst and grateful for Lucifer cutting to the chase.

Ryūjin just looked chagrined, _‘Forgive me, Creator.’_

Lucifer just wrapped himself around these two and said, quite smugly, _‘Tiny little cubs. Always so dramatic.’_

Instead of protesting, they just fell asleep, and so did Lucifer. He slept better than he had in an eternity.

* * *

Rested and happy, he knew he had to go. There was a group of very bad people to catch and no matter how relative time was here, if he switched planes, he would arrive early the next morning in his penthouse. He would return soon, though. He bid his farewell and changed forms to looking human again and – ignoring their cooing over his form as well as them begging to visit Earth again (they wanted to meet his humans) – he smiled.

_‘Patience, young ones.’_

With one last final look at the two dragons, he left the Dragon Plane, but just before arriving in his penthouse, he heard Azrael’s prayer.

_“Message from Dromos, Lu.”_ She still sounded cautious and sorry, and Lucifer knew he would have to talk to her.

Soon.

He would.

_“Go on.”_

_“She croaked.”_

She did not elaborate, but that was unnecessary. He knew his third in command very well. Naturally, he did not arrive in the penthouse, instead, he quite literally went to Hell. He did not march up to the Gates; there was no need to stir a ruckus when there was a quiet way in. Dromos hovered next to her cell, clearly having waited for decades if not centuries… yet, he still had done his job, still managed Hell in Lucifer’s absence, and though Lucifer was not in the habit of granting his demons a vacation, he really needed to make his appreciation known.

“Lucifer!” whispered Dromos and wrapped his many arms around him. “I missed you.”

“Thank you for calling me,” said Lucifer quietly. He did not need to ask why she was here. He knew.

Guilt and suicide.

How ironic. Lily’s mother had chosen the same fate as her baby girl, yet Lucifer still thought it was not enough as far as self-punishment was concerned. He stepped away from the room and walked down the halls. The wails of souls punishing themselves echoed from every corner, seeping into him, the self-pity sickening him.

He wanted to command them to shut up, but could not, not without making his presence known.

“Quiet,” growled Dromos instead, his deep voice vibrating in Lucifer chest, Hellfire burning in the demon’s eyes. Instantly, the voices stopped. Without hesitation, Lucifer walked up to the cell holding Lily.

“My Lord?” asked Dromos quietly and confused.

“I want to see if I can get her out without the mother. I’ve had practice.”

With that, he entered her room, Dromos was right beside him, looking human.

“Hi there, Lily,” said Lucifer in a friendly tone, emulating Agent Morgan. “I’m Lucifer. I heard you’ve been a bit upset lately. Do you want to talk about it?”

She did not even hear him, her eyes wide as the infernal scene of her mother shouting at her continued.

_“-wish you’d never been born.”_

He knew this was most likely not what happened. The younger a person, the more extreme their memories, the more emotionally ‘contaminated’ they were, not truly what happened but what happened in her mind. Again, the girl ran for the cabinet above the sink where her mother had kept the ‘happy pills.’ Before they had to witness her death and damnation, they left the room. Whenever the door closed, the hell-loop restarted and the damned souls forgot they had ever seen them. He used that to repeatedly visit the room, trying all the methods of persuasion he knew: Agent Hotchner (speaking calmly and at eye-level with a victim), Agent Jareau (speaking warmly and quietly, letting her talk and listening), Dr. Reid ( _“Hi, Lily. I know you must be super-scared right now, but Dromos and I are here to help you. Why don’t you come with us? It’s much more comfortable in Bastet’s house. She has kittens. Lots of kittens.”_ ) and Agent Prentiss ( _“You know, when I was little, I always-“_ ), Agent Rossi ( _“Tell me why you think your mommy is angry with you? I don’t believe that_ ), but it was for naught. The girl did not wish to talk to or go with strangers, even when he said he worked for the justice system. She was especially afraid of policemen who would ‘take her away from her mommy.’ By the end of it, he could no longer listen to the girl’s pain, walked out, stalked to the mother’s room and opened it, his skin a shimmering red.

He watched her hell-loop in full without letting himself be detected. Lily’s mother – Lisa Jones – found her dead girl again and again, and Lucifer watched it without feeling a thing, her grief a mere trifle compared to the pain she had caused.

“Interesting,” said he coolly, causing her to whirl around and instantly withdraw in terror. He soaked up her fear and smiled at her. “Did you know that suicide is a one-way ticket to Hell? I mean, you would have gone regardless,” he added, “too much guilt, but in general? You could have been a saint throughout your entire life and it would mean nothing. I’ve had kids here as young as eight, which isn’t fun, but they can be reasoned with, I can help them go somewhere better… Not that all of them should.” He shuddered thinking of some of the young black holes he had met. “But, you see, Lily was a surprise.”

Lisa stared at him in utter shock, and Lucifer continued, “Usually, children that young don’t slip through the cracks. Nearly a million years, billions of souls and just one of them receiving the wrong tag. She should be in Heaven, but she isn’t... Oh, this wasn’t all your fault, but you certainly bear some of the responsibility,” he added cruelly. “Now, I cannot get her to Heaven, not before your reign ends, anyway, but you will help me get her from her room and to a better place. Tell me, is she fond of kittens?”

“What?” Confused and frightened, Lisa stared at him.

“Please, keep up. Your daughter is in _Hell_ because of _your_ neglect. She killed herself using _your_ pills and is now very reluctant of talking to strangers because _you_ told her not to. Now, she is stuck in a hell-loop that solely consists of her father leaving and _you_ being sad and angry. I could help her go to a better place, but for that, she needs to leave the room out of her own will because if I pull her out violently, her soul will be forever fracture for what keeps her trapped in there won’t leave. Fun, right?” He smiled. “You can help her, but first, I need to have a place for her to go to, so… does she like kittens?”

“She always wanted a dog,” whispered Lisa.

Lucifer sighed, “Of course, she did. Great, where the Hell, am I going to get a dog-soul from? Yes, Dromos?”

He had been peaking in cautiously the entire time and perked up when he had heard Lisa’s answer.

“Kerberus had another litter just a few months ago.”

“Wait… Hell-months or Earth-months?” Lucifer stared at Dromos, who smiled. Without looking back, Lucifer left the room and slammed the shut behind him. Letting Lisa suffer for a little longer sounded like good punishment to him.

He took a left and entered Kerb’s private quarters, where she always stayed, away from the other hellhounds, when she was giving birth. There they were, a litter of beautiful, perfect little puppies.

“Hey, puppies,” he cooed quietly. “Hey, pups, it’s me, Lucifer.”

The pups turned and very cautiously approached him, only to freeze when their mother jumped forward and slammed her giant body against Lucifer’s. He hugged her in return, having missed his loyal companion dearly. He rubbed her ears gently causing her to moan appreciatively. After cuddling her young ones, he guided her away so that Dromos could take care of the pups in the meantime (with them hounding Hell’s Third in a hilarious manner; while Dromos was excellent with children, he was too sweet with the dogs and they just played him like a fiddle). He told Kerb everything about the case of Lily and that she would probably enjoy spending her time in Bastet’s kingdom, but only if she could take care of Kerb’s pups rather than kittens. Kerb just whined at the suggestion, her opinion of cats being rather split. Ultimately though, she gave in and together, they – six pups, Dromos, Lucifer and Kerb – entered Bastet’s kingdom.

“You are back,” said she the second she saw him. Her cat-like eyes staring at him without fear or reverence.

“No, I’m not, just here to deliver a soul.”

“Then you’ll run off again? Haven’t you sulked enough? Hell needs its king.”

“Why would they if they have a beautiful queen?” Lucifer soothed her. Flattery was still the best way to go with Bastet and she responded to it with a smile.

“Charmer. Alright, what is your offer?”

“No offer. Kerb will raise her pups at the crossroads, between your kingdom and mine. They will grow more slowly, but they’ll have company.”

“And why would I allow that to happen?”

“If the girl were one of yours, she would not have left the nest yet,” was all Lucifer said. Bastet was highly protective of her kittens.

“How did she even get here?” Her voice a hiss of anger.

“A flaw in the system,” he answered.

“That’s why you left,” she realized. “I always wondered.”

“It wasn’t the sole cause, certainly not the stressor, but it was the trigger,” Lucifer admitted, using the BAU’s terminology to put some distance between past events and his own emotions.

“You are speaking in tongues, Lucifer,” she laughed, “but so be it. Kittens shouldn’t be in one of these infernal rooms and I will accept Kerberus and her litter among mine.”

Lucifer nodded his thanks and left. He would not bow to the goddess, but he was thankful. With this news, he returned to Lisa and reminded her yet again what she had done, making sure the horror really stuck with her.

“How can I help her?” she asked.

“Talk to her, convince her to leave the room. We’ll bring her to Bastet’s kingdom together, letting her take care of a litter of pups… or Kerb will adopt her as a fellow pup, I am honestly not sure. Will you do this for her?”

“Yes,” said she desperately. “Anything.”

“Then come.”

The reunion was what he had expected, the girl hugging her mother asking her whether she was still angry. Dromos looked ready to torture Lisa for centuries, but Lucifer had to give it to her; Lisa was doing a good job. The demon and the devil took a collective breath of relief when they finally had Lily over the threshold. Now they were free to transport her wherever they needed.

Lisa guided Lily to Bastet’s kingdom where Kerb was waiting already.

“Doggies!” exclaimed Lily, let go off her mother’s hands and threw her hands around Kerb who instantly nuzzled her, clearly having decided that she was too young for litter-sitting and would instead be one of hers. Lucifer could live with that. Lily did not look back, her painful memories gone, mind emersed in playing with the pups. Kerb looked at him and – if she were human or a demon – would have given him a nod before gently pushing her pups out of sight.

“Do I get to be with her now?” Lisa asked him. “Can I go with her?”

Lucifer looked down at her, “You tell me.”

She stared at him and screamed when invisible hands dragged her right back into the room where she had emerged from. He heard the doors slam and scoffed.

“Thought so,” said Lucifer coolly.

Dromos looked from where Lisa had stood to Lucifer and whispered, “Nothing has changed, has it? You’re not returning.”

“Not yet, Dromos, I have bad people to punish before they hurt more children.”

“Then you will return?” Dromos looked at him hopefully.

“I have a feeling you’ll see me again soon,” was all he replied, deep in thought.

* * *

More relaxed than he had felt in a long time, he returned to the penthouse. He was surprised to see Agent Morgan waiting for him.

“Agent Morgan?”

“There’s been another child.” The tall man’s jaw was clenched, obviously distressed. “We need your insight.”

“I think I’m finally ready to actually be of help,” said he, inwardly grateful he had asked Dromos to keep an eye out on the suicide section.

**Author's Note:**

> STORY 1: Return From Tartarus (posted)  
> STORY 2: The Devil Comes Down to Quantico (posted)  
> CM Interlude 1: The Devil Files - Box 1 (posted)  
> STORY 3: Like Ashes in the Wind (posted)  
> CM Interlude 2: The Devil Files - Box 2 (posted)  
> STORY 4: The True Believer (posted)  
> CM Interlude 3: The Devil Files - Box 3 (posted)  
> STORY 5: When the Fallen Angel Weeps (this story)  
> CM Interlude 4: The Devil Files - Box 4 (CM episode recaps with Lucifer)  
> STORY 6: Climbing Yggdrasil (original case fic + original plot)  
> CM Interlude 5: The Devil Files - Box 5 (recommended to read for end)  
> STORY 7: All Stories Come to an End


End file.
